Moving but not sure when

Well, the landlord emailed last night saying he's going to sell the house. I checked and I have no way out of the lease, and will have a whopping 30-days to find something once it's sold. So, we're going to start looking for boxes and begin packing ourselves up, that way we can at least begin to be prepared.

I feel like I'm dragging my family through crap that just sucks to have to go through. Then I think well it could be so much worse. Really, quit your whining. The landlords were jerks extraordinaire - this should be a blessing. But, moving the kids again to who knows where to who knows what school they'll be at or when...it just sucks. And my wife isn't willing to ask me to throw in the white flag of mercy on "my dreams," and quitting now after all this seems to make it have been for nothing, and I don't want to quit. But, I do want very much for all this shit to stop happening. I am just drained and barely slept, not even out of anger with the landlord...no I was just hurt with/at God. Then turning my thoughts to 'no God doesn't wish bad things for us/doesn't want bad things to happen to us/He's walkin' with me...sigh.

And I think if Step 1 doesn't end with a resounding "Yes, you may now proceed to Step 2" then I'm done. All my spiritual capital has been spent, and my reserves are pretty damn low, if not empty. But, again - I say that now but I'm not sure I mean it. All I do know is that I just don't know.

A Months of Reading

Well, actually I read all the time...for the last 3 years mostly spirituality books. When I first started to feel the tugs I found myself reading things I hadn't even considered reading for nearly 15 years. I read the whole Bible in less then 3 months, and there's a wonderful book the title of which escapes me now that is fiction but takes you through the Bible from the 'characters' perspective - this book solidified the Books for me.

Between mid-June and now I've read 7 books; of these seven 1 was a SciFi book, which was a nice break. I tried to read "The Portrait of Dorian Grey," and "The Canterbury Tales," but both of these books left me feeling very sad. I got through the Knight's tale and started the Miller's but I found myself continually sighing at the sadness of the two tales that it just didn't have to be that way; so I put the book down. Oh and Dorian Grey oh my...I got mid-way through before I couldn't handle the spiritual depravity any more.

Then the library saved me with having a book I placed on hold finally come up with me as next in queue, which was "Altar in the World" a very beautifully written book that was like reading a summary of the last 3 years of reading culminate in a resounding YES. I finished up a radical welcome book, 7 Habits (been trying to read that book for almost 9 years), read a fantastic and thin book about prayer. Read my "required" reading, "Living on the Borders of the Holy" and a book I picked up at the same time as that one which is radical in some ways and scares me in a good examine way sort of way (and the title is escaping me) - but it's structured to be read in small pieces if you want. I started "The Vagina Monologues" which is now resting beside the bedside table. And lastly I'm reading "When God is Silent" and "The Shack."

I nearly ditched the "The Shack" - I was doing fine with it until God in Her 3 aspects arrived. I don't give much away here...I liked how the author has God portrayed as a black woman named Papa, the Holy Spirit is an Asian woman, and Jesus' physical appearance is that of how ancient Jewish man would look decked out in jeans and plaid shirt. What caused me to baulk was the theology, and I only got two chapters into what becomes the remainder of the book. I wasn't expecting to get theology as part of this book, and I wasn't so sure how I felt about what I was reading. So, this Sunday at church I was browsing the library shelves and one of our Deacons asked what I was looking for...I said I didn't know, but would when I saw it. She went back to what she was doing, and I decided on "When God is Silent." The Deacon came back out and asked what I'd picked and I showed her...she didn't comment, and I filled the silence with I like the author's books alot and I haven't read this one yet. I was embarrassed a wee bit...here I am an Aspirant reading "When God is Silent." Then I mentioned that I was reading or tried to read "The Shack" but was getting stuck with the theology, that something was causing me to buck at what I was reading. I didn't share this, but part of me wondered and worried a little at the bucking -- cause in a lot of ways the book had to that point presented a way of seeing God that was trying to break some things down. It felt like I was reading a book meant for recovering Baptists. Back to my Deacon...she suggested I do a google search and see what came up, and then decide whether to continue with it or not.

So, I did. Some of the Baptists that believe the Bible is literal and only certain people can tell you what it means people -- do not like this book one bit; they disagree with the Salvation and Trinity aspects within the book. But, really what I've decided is that I want to discover for myself what it is that makes me uncomfortable about what I'm reading and why.

Sigh - Car Accidents Stink

First - I'm ok and I was the only one in the car. My head still hurts but not too bad, and the neck is a little stiff; otherwise, all is well.

The damage done to the car doesn't look too horrid - on the list of visible damage; bumper, head light, side panel, tire, windshield wiper container. I'm hoping there's no axle or frame damage or engine damage, and well you get the idea.

The guy made a left into, and he felt really bad about it...going to let the insurance handle it; that's what they get paid for. It all happened so fast but I don't think my seat belt engaged properly hence the top of my head hitting the front part of the car. I think my sun visor may have saved my noggin from the windshield.

At any rate -- lots to take care of tomorrow. Stay safe.

DoWTX Still Makin' Me Sad

I keep hoping that maybe the bishops in W.Tejas will change...but, instead am saddened by his statement he gave at Gen. Convention yesterday:
http://www.episcopalcafe.com/lead/general_convention/bishop_gary_lillibridge_reads.html#more

.....perhaps +Lillibridge should change the signs in W.TX to the "Episcopal Diocese of West Texas mostly welcomes you".

D025 amends B033

Excerpt from "Bishops Vote for No Outcasts" on the Walking withi Integrity blog:
http://walkingwithintegrity.blogspot.com/2009/07/bishops-vote-for-no-outcasts.html

ANAHEIM, CA (July 13, 2009)--By a nearly 2-1 margin, the bishops of the Episcopal Church passed an amended version of resolution D025, which effectively ends the "BO33 Era" and returns the church to relying on its canons and discernment processes for the election of bishops. "While concurrence on the amended resolution by the House of Deputies is necessary before it is officially adopted by the church as a whole," said Integrity President Susan Russell, "there is no question that today's vote in the House of Bishops was an historic move forward and a great day for all who support the full inclusion of all the baptized in the Body of Christ."

An Altar in the World

I've heard words like these before, they echo a longing so deep, bring me near tears, and yet offer such great hope:

Whoever you are, you are human. Wherever you are, you live in this world, which is just waiting for you to notice the holiness in it. So welcome to your own priesthood, practised at the altar of your own life. The good news is that you have everything you need to begin.
-- Barbara Brown Taylor

Shalom, Namaste, Agape, Ubuntu

TEC Media HUB for General Convention 2009

TEC is doing something really pretty awesome. If you go to this website: http://gchub.episcopalchurch.org/ then you can watch videos of what's happened, such as, the PB's opening statement. You can also watch things live, view photos on Flickr, and a whole bunch more. So go check it out!

A Very Nice Weekend

It's been a nice 3-day weekend. We had an Englishman stay with us Thursday night and then dropped him off the next morning so he could travel with his fellow Englishpeople - he's part of a choir and their touring the area for 2 weeks then going back to the pond. It was brilliant.

We tried walking to the fireworks but the rain and not realizing it was a 2-mile walk derailed that plan at the 1-mile mark. But it was still fun taking a late night stroll.

Saturday was grocery shopping and yard work and we watched Chicken Little. After the kiddos went to bed we tried to watch Babel but it was too stressful watching these people's lives and worrying that it was only going to get worse and have no happy ending. I'll have to do a search and find a review with a spoiler. Of yeah, and we went to one of those .25 cent library book sales and watched a 4th of July parade.

And today is church, then neighborhood softball game and then maybe pie with our neighbors.

Nothing terribly exciting - but wonderfully relaxing. I'm actually reading for pleasure this week. I've started "The portrait of Dorian Grey" but it makes me very sad so I don't know if I'll finish it. I picked up a modern English version of Canterbury Tales, which I'm enjoying more since in the 'General Prologue' pretty much everyone is of good, and kind nature - very upstanding people these :)

Hmm...seems to be a very merry "english" sort of weekend...maybe I'll go have a spot of tea.

New Moby

I like Moby's music - Play was how I first heard of him, and then 18, and I may have Go, but his "old stuff" not as much. What I like about the new album wait for me is it is a return to the style that originally drew me in. It's mournful and sad, but sparks of light shred through.

Shot In The Back Of The Head from Moby on Vimeo.

Yesterday NPR streamed the entire album...I listened to the whole thing and then ordered it.