Monday, October 27, 2008
Thursday was hard cause we had tons of errands, and then I went to work. But Friday was only one errand and then the rest of the day was rest and play. So play and rest we did. Plus, we had great weather this weekend, which always helps. Saturday we went downtown to Trick or Treat at the local stores...the chocolatiers handed out the good stuff - one even gave out giganto chocolate suckers.
Sunday was church...I gave my class on Lay Liturgical Roles/Why we are all called to participate within worship, which I ended with one of my favorite songs, "They'll Know We Are By Our Love". I started us off and then by the end of the first stanza everyone joined in...it may have been an Adult Ed first for them. I got positive feedback from the Adult Ed coordinator and two people in the class...so yeah...I didn't bomb at least not for them :) After class, the family went home, and I served as an Usher for the 11 o'clock service that had around 100 vergers in attendance; and where I got to model what I taught about making mistakes and it being ok. I forgot to go to the altar first to bow, then pass out the offering plate...but, I did make a quick recovery as soon as the other usher quietly reminded me. So, all 10 people up at the altar (to include the Bishop) saw, as well as, most of the vergers...sigh, all you can do is smile and try not to be to obvious that you forgot a step. Afterwards, we took a family bike ride...it really was a great day to be outside. We went along our usual path, which has been so cool to see the path change as the seasons have turned. So it's never really the same path, at least not for too long. I want to walk this path come Winter.
This post hasn't really described the magic of my weekend, but it was one of those weekends that cherish and hold onto.
Monday, October 20, 2008
In a land of our making
Subtlefuse and fuselage
Quagmires and waterfalls
My own Ecclesiastes
Can you know enlightenment,
without first starting at its polar
Can you know anything,
without first knowing what it is not
If I slide through this land
Of my own making
Within the white, white, white
Within the black, black, black
Tis a season
That approaches through
this land of my own making
Within the gold, the regal, the fallen
Fallen down and bare
Stark the stand before you
Slumbering some watchful mostly
Can you remember one within the sameness
Do you worry of the eternal
Subtlefuse and fuselage
Quagmires and waterfalls
Land of my making
My own Ecclesiastes
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Directly behind this scene is a road that is a route, but which one it is escapes me now, and across the road is an old metal frame bridge. I took pictures of it too...but when I was crossing back over the road some guy in a truck yelled at me to go home. The whole thing surprised me...and I thought I am home, not the home of my heart, but I am home. This is home...no matter how much I might wish home where somewhere else.
Part of it is this space...but the other part of it is me...I'm never quite wholly comfortable. This is a beautiful place but the sacrifices - these weigh heavy. I looked through all the pictures - some where just okay either the lighting was off or the focus was a little off - but as a whole they aren't bad. The ones I like best are the ones with reflections like the one above, then the ones of flowers I took with the macro lens that "pop" with color and intimate space. I was suprised that the images speak so much about space (for me at least), and maybe a little bit about hope. My hope that this place can become home.
Friday, October 10, 2008
The wife came home with 2 cameras - one for each of us. We have to get them back on Tuesday...looks like I'll be taking lots of pictures this weekend.
Pictures will be displayed at one of the local community colleges. Not sure if one picture from each person gets displayed or only one persons work gets displayed. Either way it should be interesting what gets showcased.
Thursday, October 09, 2008
Making some serious Author-It progress but this tool has a massive uphill learning curve. However, once I can create my own custom book with customized content styles I'll be a beginner-expert. Currently, I'm intermediate-beginner.
Tonight I have to continue some consulting work unless the wife is on the computer; otherwise, I really need to start practising for the class I'm teaching and I have EFM reading to do, books I want to read. Maybe eat some dinner. And go to bed at a decent time since I have to get up a bit earlier then usual to take the car in for an 'ol change'.
Monday, October 06, 2008
I'm hoping most of the pictures I took turn out. We "shot some video" but I haven't had a chance to look through it. Lots of pics (or so it seems) of water and bridges, a few farmland scenes. The wife thinks I should check out some of the smallesque local galleries (she has two in mind) to see what you have to do to show your work. I'm alittle less (ok a lot less) optimistic then she is because, well, I'm not known at all in/within the local art scene, I don't have a 'body of work' that ties to a whole. I have lots of photos of nature or people, and sometimes the two collide in a good way. I think I've come to realize that I probably have 'an eye' for photography, and a piece of me would be thrilled and honored to show my photographs. But, for now my gallery will continue to be the walls of my home...and just maybe...the really good ones will go out as gifts this year.
I have spurts of time when I realize that if the call as I feel it to be isn't affirmed then that will be ok - that I will be ok - it will not be the end of the world...just the end of a journey. There is so much waiting in this journey, so much beyond my control, so very many different people will play and have played major roles in deciding my future. Sometimes it feels like I'm holding an icicle in 90 degree heat and being told to not let it melt. In the reading I've done about people who have gone through this process or those who write about how the process should somehow change all ask in the end what kind of person endures this. Because even if you become a Postulant, nothing is certain until you finally get ordained which can be in total anywhere from 5-6 years [discerning (2-3 yrs)/ seminary (3 yrs)/ transitional deacon (6months)/ ordination] - assuming you aren't gay or lesbian in a non-inclusive diocese. I suppose there are plusses and minuses as in all things.
Plusses/Minusses (you decide which is which):
- you're either insane or pretty darn sure you and God are on the same page...trust me I'm not insane :).
- you have many opportunities to test your own inner call and then within community in an authentic manner.
- you have plenty of time to doubt and cry and wonder at your own insanity (oops - that's right I'm not insane) at why anyone would put themselves through this. The closest analogy I have is that it's a bit like when you decide to join the military and then you go through boot camp and come out a different person for it.
- After discernment, either way - you finally know, and can finally move on/in to the next part of the journey.
- Living in constant ambiguity, and in some ways we are all always living with this; the constant letting go.
- Other people control your fate, and this is all done within a group where you've been asked to expose deep parts of yourself...and then knowing there's that chance you will be rejected.
There's more but, I'm done, I've exhausted my list for now. I'm reading a book by Kushner based on the life of Moses. About having dreams crushed, about life not turning out as you had planned, and how will you choose to respond when life deals you these opportunities.