San from A Life with a View awarded me with the Gratitude with Attitude Award. I'm pretty honored to be selected, though in all honesty, I don't feel worthy of the award right now.
I've been struggling lately - trying to understand what it is God wants from me. And everytime I think I've got it figured out, well things go "odd" and I begin to doubt everything.
The only thing I've stopped doubting is that the call is still there, and it doesn't seem to have changed. What feels like keeps changing is how I'm supposed to get there; and where there is, and when. I still think there's a move coming this year, but to where? The wife still feels like VTs the place, and in the beginning it felt right and good. And I need to remember that and hold on to that and be grateful for that. But, the struggle for me to find a job is wearing the luster pretty thin.
Part of the problem is my full-time job has been so emotionally and physically draining for more months then I want to count backwards to, then adding on top of that job searching, planning for all the maybes, spending time with my family, and trying to do the things that keep me feeling healthy - has quite frankly drained my reserves. Have you ever seen ground that is so dry that it splits itself apart? That's me, I just don't know how to end my own drought.
I keep reminding myself that with God's help anything is possible, I keep reminding myself to be grateful, I keep reminding myself to surrender.
I don't have 12 blogs to pass the award onto, but I do have some gratitude I'd like to share:
1. My Wife - for loving me in spite of me
2. Murat - for your friendship, for you just as you are
3. Lee - for your protectiveness, for you just as you are
4. San - for your thoughtfulness, humor, and art
5. ALT - for supporting the D4, and caring about my wife
6. A.Mc. - for her daily prayers for me and generous heart
7. J.K. - for listening to me vent and bitch
8. A.J. - for his peculiar way of showing he really does care
9. A.T. - for always lending a helping hand
10. My wife's parents - for helping us and loving us
11. T.K. (Murat's wife) - for your friendship, for speaking out
12. And to all those who have ever struggled and never quit