Thursday, April 03, 2008

Back from trip two

I keep wondering if perhaps I should hold off from trip was ok. The company doesn't sit on as high a horse anymore but at least it still sits on a horse ;-)

My immediate reaction once I left the building was "I just don't know" - I just don't know what they think of me, nor I of them. My next day reaction is that I spent alot of time defending myself. They're worried I won't know how to work within a small company, that I work as part of a team [I got dinged for using "we do" and not "I do"] One of the managers was a little put off that I asked what was next step in the process is, anyways...I may know something by the end of April.

I allowed myself to feel very insecure about my capabilities, so I'm feeling pretty down about the trip, the state, all of it - pretty pathetic on my part huh - so little faith. So, I told the wife she has to carry the love for the move for awhile.

The trip just wasn't what I was hoping for I guess, and I'm exhausted which doesn't help.

Thank you all for your prayers and support.


San said...

Bummer. That letdown feeling is the worst, especially when you're not sure where you stand, or even where you want to stand.

Seems to me there's a lot of self-doubt and indeciveness in the air right now. It's election year, which offers hope but also open-endedness. All of the talk about the poor economy, which sadly isn't just talk, also affects everyone's heads. And hearts. And souls.

Keep on journeying. And sure, let the wife carry the love for awhile. As you so gracefully put it.

Yes, you are in my prayers. I am wishing for the very best for you and your family.

murat11 said...

Welcome home. Get rest, hang with the babes, let Wonder Woman help ease your soul-kinks out.

Lee said...

Hmmm...ok Prayers will continue. If wife is going to hold the joy I want her to have support in that too. :)

I'm sorry you don't have a great feeling about this. After you've had time to think about it I hope you'll let me know what you come up with.

Hugs! Hope! & Joy that your back home!

jsd said...

san: yeah, I think it hit me harder then I expected especially since just a few days prior was so wonderful.

murat: yeah, my poor wife doesn't always know what to do with my yo-yoing.

lee: [laugh] time to think that, may be the problem...if they offer me the job (which is not likely) I'll take it...but the joy that I had for the company is'll be a job and a stepping stone to where I'm hoping to ultimately be.

San said...

OK, please don't kill me, but you have an award over at my place.

jsd said...

san: it's quite alright :-) I'm very honored for the award.

I blog annoymously, because otherwise I would self-censor myself too much.