I have one last paper to write and my semester is officially complete. I got my theology final back, it was blue book style, memorize all I could and hope for two out of four questions I could answer plus seven definitions out of the twenty I prepped for. I left the exam knowing I'd done well on the definitions but unsure of my essays. Though it was interesting supporting my claim that Schleiemacher could talk and walk the Anglican "middle way." Writing about Aquinas and Calvin's views on sin not so interesting. So, when I got my exam back and saw my grade I was really pleased, and after re-reading my essays thought not too bad. I couldn't remember much of anything I had written once I turned had handed it in.
I'm definitely ready to say good-bye and move onto hellos. My hope is to rest and spiritually renew during May, so that I can survive June-August CPE. CPE has me quite terrified; my hope is to go in open to the experience, and what it has to offer, and come out knowing more about myself and having new skills to take into my minstry. Then one day after CPE ends we're either visiting my wife's parents or heading for our new seminary. Oh yeah, I also have an awesome field parish placement! The rector is super kind and vibrant and open to letting me explore and try stuff that's near and dear to me, as well as offer guidance and suggestions. I'm super excited.
I'm looking forward to some time with a paper journal and some Spiritual Direction, some distance to process everything that's gone on. I managed to survive this year with my dignity and integrity intact, though at the very, very end, I really doubted myself, my approach to the events, and I'm deeply grateful for the words that my bishop shared with me. Those words released the seeds of doubt "they" tried to plant within me.