Crocheting again

I think I've mentioned that I had vacation days I hadn't realized I had, and so with time on my hands and a new crochet book for Christmas I looked at my hundred dollar bag of yarn in which lay a begun blanket. It was sitting in such a sad state for nearly 2 years. Why? Well, because the pattern called for working with 4 skeins at a time, and it was a huge pain every time I had to turn the pattern. So I just kinda stopped. Then on Friday I gave myself permission to chuck the pattern and do what I wanted. So, now I'll sc one whole skein then when it runs out switch to the next color. I've made really good progress, I've added about 7 inches to it. When it's finished it'll be 4 or 5 feet long and about 4 feet wide.If I ever finish it, I'll post a photo or two.

And a good day it is

Yesterday was spent being lazy anticipating the Christmas pageant and then dinner and presents. Princess went from a donkey (last year) to an angel this year, wonder what next year will bring.

When we finalllyyyy (kiddos emphasis) got to opening presents, as I passed out the gifts one at a time and we wrote down who got what from whom; it really hit home what wonderful friends we have and grandparents rock. Without them the kiddos Christmas would have been much lighter shall we say, and well the wife and I as well.

This morning was spent playing games, had another warm and yummy breakfast. My breakfasts during the week are pretty boring: yogurt, oatmeal, banana, coffee, water.  I went to the Christmas day service by myself, which was a treat for all involved. The sermon was really good, and since I didn't have to worry about anyone but me, was able to let the service wash over me.

After lunch we went to the nearby park and ice skated and did some sledding. The wife has never ice skated before but she did fabulously. It's been years since, I think I was 10 the last time I put on a pair of skates. The wife laughed and said a geriatric person would move faster then me, but hey I didn't fall, and eventually picked up a smidgen more speed :) The sledding was nothing to brag about, but still fun.

Eventually, the wife and I will start cooking dinner. We went for something a wee bit different, a teryaki turkey tenderloin...it'll either suck or be yummy; cranberry sauce, rolls, cream of mushroom rice, and corn (can we say carb heaven) with key lime pie to top it off. Neither the wife nor I like cooking big turkeys, and we haven't been able to find good hams. I have to admit, I do miss a good 'ole South Texas brisket and bbq for the holidays (oh dios mios my mouth is watering thinking about it:)). Which brings me to a totally off topic topic: The Food network. They have two shows back to back, one is a black couple from Tennessee and the other is an older white woman, and they focus on well yes southern cooking. But it's not the cooking that holds me entranced, it's their accents, their heavenly and heavy use of y'all. Y'all umm, ummm, this is good y'all. Y'all now don't be afraid to xyz...y'all. I'll admit to a prejudice, I don't like yous guys or you guys, I like y'all - gender neutral, inclusive, it is y'all.

And so to y'all a good night, peace be with y'all. Amen, ya'll.

Hmmm...weight lost - if only

So, I'm going to give a fitness plan a try. Why, because I've gained more weight then is good for my frame (at 5'8" it just looks like momma's got back, and some hip). I haven't had a true exercise routine/regime since my military days. At the time I really disliked having to exercise on demand, but afterwards when I could exercise whenever I wanted for however long...I loved going to the gym. Most military gyms rock, not all, but most, and they have racquetball courts (I miss that too).

Pre-kiddos, I went to the gym 4-5 times a week, went on regular 10-15 mile hikes in the backwoods. Post-kiddos, I'm lucky if I workout 3 times a week for more then 2 weeks at a time. There's always something else that needs being done...or maybe that's just become my excuse.

Retrospect is beautiful and humbling...I didn't realize how fit I was. I was always trying to keep up with my ex-husband, and he had this way of indicating that I wasn't fit enough, not fast enough on the trails. I'll deviate a bit, and share a story about the power of shoes. Yes, the power of shoes. I had and still have this pair of shoes which originally caused me much pain. The break-in period for these hiking boots (at least for me) was about 100 miles (65 miles in Alaska didn't break them in, nor countless other 10+ hikes, nope - it was mowing the lawn in them). And after about 10 miles of hiking my feet were shot. So, when the Ex and our usual hiking companions wanted to hike to the bottom of the Grand Canyon and then back out about a week later; I insisted on new hiking boots (I still have them too). And let me tell ya -- I kicked ass. The Ex couldn't keep up with me. My level of working out hadn't changed; all the crap I'd taken over 4 years of backcountry hikes was because of a pair of shoes. I was fit, and I didn't know it.

I can still remember what fit feels like, I have the pictures of what fit looks like, and I miss fit. I've done WW successfully, and I've incorporated most of the concepts into my eating -- I eat healthy, and have decent portion sizes, snacking kills me though; I had time to exercise (last place of employment had a nice free gym on-site). So the weight came off. But, now it's back.

The goal is to get back to the WW weight, then back to the weight I was when I was 28. If I only get to my WW goal, I could live with that. It wouldn't be go out and buy leather pants and get blue highlights reward time, more like khaki cargo pants happy. Ok, I'll admit how much I need to lose -- 55 lbs for my ultimate goal, 35 lbs for the first goal.

The routine requires 6 days of working out for about 45mins with a mixture of circuit training and cardio with a bit of ab work. There are three things that have become abundantly clear to me about what adds to my happiness of life: centering prayer, learning, and exercise. When I ignore these things, I'm grumpy and tired, more easily annoyed.

So, I'm going to try to take care of myself without feeling guilty about the time these things take away from my family with the hope that ultimately it adds to our collective happiness and good modeling.

Nearly done with the dentist...

...or perhaps it's more correct to say he's nearly finished fixing my teeth. Today we wrapped up my root canal; I was super calm and at random moments had "We wish you a Merry Christmas" running through my head then alternating to the Lord's Prayer.

I've inherited old world teeth, which was fine back in the days of awesome dental insurance. Now dental work makes the pocket book cry out in agony. Two more big ticket items, and hopefully that will be the end of my dental woes. Luckily, the school district we're in covers children who's parents have no dental insurance AND that the kiddos thus far appear to have inherited new world teeth.

It's gotten bitterly cold. Which means winter has truly begun, and warm weather won't be seen until mid-March, and unfrozen ground will begin to happen mid-May. Sigh, this winter I've told myself I will embrace outdoor activities. I've chosen two: snow shoeing and ice skating.

Also, I finally have official Step 2 start dates (drum roll please) - that's right January :) But, I'll be able to have two meetings in January which will help me throw the damn thing to the wind plan/schedule be kinda sorta maybe on track possibly.

Lastly, I realized that I was misreading a work spreadsheet and I have 5 vacations days to use or lose, so I'm using them. My hope is that I'll get a winter's hike in...but we'll see.

I should be doing something else...

Can we love who we are
It's not so easy for some
It wears lines of furrowed brow
A nagging ache expressed in time

For moments of ease
So startling then lost
Like the movements of hummingbirds
Everyone gathers and smiles

Then slight sighs and off
Into the barrens, the deserts, the
places within
Like a city overpopulated, polluted

Until a gentle tug
To return, a smile, a touch
A glimpse into possibilities
Of hope, of love, of selves

Writing to the wind

There's about 4-6 inches of snow on the ground now, with rain coming later. But, when I get home I'll get to shovel, which honestly I like doing. Pretty soon I'll be able to go snowshoeing!

My ministry contract project that I thought was fading to gray has found new life. Why? I think because we started listening to our hearts again, and you know the power of God's grace and all that.

I also found out that if I can't have a PDC meeting in December then we'd push for two meetings in January, which would keep on a 2011 track.

There are other things afoot but those shall remain private. Overall, today has been a fabulous turning of events. Isn't it so easy to be excited and anticipatory when things start to fall into place for you. Now if only I could harness that same excitement when things begin to look bleak. I do believe there's a word out there to describe that, but heck why be harsh to thy self.

And totally random, I really like Pandora Radio.

The Arrival of Snow

Winter has truly begun. The temperature has dipped, the first light snow-sleet combination has fallen and the first snow storm isn't far behind.

Joy...I hadn't nor have I spent much time thinking about this little three lettered word. I usually focus more on its longer letter relation Happiness. But, I think I like joy better. Joy seems more participatory, less a state of mind, more a state of arriving towards.

Joy is a good Advent word, and for the first time in a long, long time I really need this season. I need to be blanketed in winter, and held by Advent. I need the hope, the expectancy, the joy upon arriving at an event that has a joyous ending. At least for a wee bit, until the arrival of Lent, but really, now isn't the time for thinking upon Lent...it will come soon enough.

Tiring of the oscillation

The title really does say it all; Blog in a sentence. I got very wonderful and affirming feedback after the Advent Reflection I gave. I've noticed within myself, that I'm finding my elocution stride, my voice if you will, a steepening within. And this Sunday, I got an amazing compliment about the monthly reflections I write for a church group I lead; from a woman I don't think often gives out compliments.

Th compliments were along the lines of wonderfully reflective, open and fascinating, I make it a point to come to your forums. The other compliment came about kinda shyly, I'm not sure she had intended to share but decided she should; it went along the lines of your reflections are really deep, kind of scary really [I asked her how so]; you really give us alot to think about, way to motivate us, but to do that month after month, this must really mean something deeply to you, kinda scary.

I'm still processing, because I do try very hard to have these reflections mean something, as much for them as for myself. Sometimes, I worry because what I write doesn't always take a long time to write, maybe because I sit with those thoughts so often. Mostly thinking I don't come anywhere near what I believe I'm called to be doing and what I'm actually doing. And what do I make of being scary :)

So I have these wonderful validations and what feels like excruciatingly long periods of waiting to make forward progress: oscillation. I'm trying really hard to just be, to let go of my expectations, and trust that it'll all be ok, no matter how long it takes.