Friday, September 22, 2006

Change of Seasons

The end of Summer and the beginning of Fall - transitions. One of the things I miss about "Up North" is the obvious change of seasons, the visible signs of change. For me, there is something comforting in seeing visible signs of change, that not having to discern anything, because the change is right there in front of you. Visible signs of change take me outside of myself, ground me to the Now, it helps me stay present and loosen my focus on what the future may bring, and puts healing distance to the past.

As I get older I find that my past holds more fondness then anger, more love than hurt, less pin-points of pain. I find that the older me survived and flourished and that the world though messed up and confused holds much more love and joy. More often I feel like I have arrived and have fewer places to get to. I'm less worried about "getting there", because where I'm at is where I want to be and need to be. The future isn't scary anymore but something to anticipate. In my youth the future was a place I couldn't get to fast enough, now the future is something I want to savor.

I still have my dreams and hopes but I've come to realize that my future goals are things that will come but not if I rush to it - it's like if I rush to get there I'll miss it because I was going too fast. Does that make sense? I'm also beginning to realise that dreams and hopes are things to be handled with great care, and that they aren't to be taken for granted.

I often have to remind myself of these things, because I don't like to wait. I like action, I like figuring things out, and making it happen. But now all the things I want to happen require being present - being in the Now, because if I'm not they can't happen. Like watching my children grow, part of me relishes seeing them grow and become more independent, but part of me is sad because they can't stay little - they're rushing towards the future as I guess all children do. But if they're to have "good" lives filled with love, hope, dreams, and endless possibilities I will always need to remain grounded so that they have a "rock, an anchor" in their lives, a past that is a solid foundation, which can guide their present and give them the courage to forge their own futures.


Lee said...

That's really touching. While I don't have children of my own I have partial care of my student's when they are at school. Someday I will have the responsibility of staying grounded in what I do when I have a classroom of my own. I hope I can make it a safe place for them to grow and explore. I also hope I will be someone who is their advocate when life throws them a curve.

Thanks for the lovely reminder.

jsd said...

Thank You Lee. Teachers are as important as parents, just in different ways - we each lay different foundations, and a really good teacher stays with a child forever.