Thursday, January 20, 2011

Feeling a little scared

The last 4 or so years have been about discernment and becoming a Postulant. And now that this phase of discernment is complete, and I begin to plan for seminary, I've gotten a bit scared. I don't doubt my call, I doubt my pocketbook. I'm scared that my wife won't be able to find a good paying job, I'm scared about the gap we'll have in finances even if (nope, positive intentions, faith, trust) even with her good paying job there'll be a gap.

My wife is and continues to be awesome and reassuring that everything will work out. She reminds me that we were scared to leave before and a bit scared when we got here. But it's all worked out, we'll be okay.

It's hard to believe that in 6 months I won't be here; a here that's been a struggle but is home. A here that I may return to in 3 years; I think I keep learning that my life will never be full of certainties, not like before, no that's not completely correct. My life has many beautiful certainties: my wife and her love and my love for her, my children and their love and the love I have for them, my friends and the love we have for each other, my God and the love we have for each other. I am certain I have love in my life, it's all the other stuff that's less so.


Cecilia said...

Praying that the way will be made clear, and that you will find the solid ground of support you need. Blessings!

jsd said...

Cecilia: Thank you for the prayers and blessings :)