The last 4 or so years have been about discernment and becoming a Postulant. And now that this phase of discernment is complete, and I begin to plan for seminary, I've gotten a bit scared. I don't doubt my call, I doubt my pocketbook. I'm scared that my wife won't be able to find a good paying job, I'm scared about the gap we'll have in finances even if (nope, positive intentions, faith, trust) even with her good paying job there'll be a gap.
My wife is and continues to be awesome and reassuring that everything will work out. She reminds me that we were scared to leave before and a bit scared when we got here. But it's all worked out, we'll be okay.
It's hard to believe that in 6 months I won't be here; a here that's been a struggle but is home. A here that I may return to in 3 years; I think I keep learning that my life will never be full of certainties, not like before, no that's not completely correct. My life has many beautiful certainties: my wife and her love and my love for her, my children and their love and the love I have for them, my friends and the love we have for each other, my God and the love we have for each other. I am certain I have love in my life, it's all the other stuff that's less so.