Thursday, August 05, 2010

Not liking the start of this 40s thing

So when I turned 30 I've dubbed it the year my body began to disfunction. Inner ear imbalance leading to temporary vertigo. The abdominal area as a whole picking up 2 new acroynms of life changing chronic conditions. I don't remember anymore what a normal fully healthy body feels like; I do know what normal for me feels like with every great once in awhile a slow awareness/realization of "oh, hey, is this what a normal body feels like" it's a wonderful moment that I try to savor for as long as possible. I try not to stress out when my conditions "flare." I thank God every day that my conditions are both mild to moderate and not disabling, I pray for healing in whatever form.

So when I turned 40 I was scared that something new would come or my conditions would suddenly change. So far "new" is my mouth. I have to get a gum graft and an information seeking biopsy done (no worries of cancer). I have some more major work coming in the Fall. And 1 of my conditions I've had for a very long time might have been misdiagnosed. But I won't know until the end of September - I have a inpatient procedure the 2nd week of September so I'll take prayers for all going well; and get results at the end of the month. If I have been misdiagnosed (which I'm not entirely convinced of) then I can get off a medication which isn't good to be on long-term and it's been long-term a few years ago. It's incredibly expensive, causes dizziness, and fatigue. Hence a good portion of my fatigue is medication based.

Part of me is afraid it will be something worse, part of me hopes it's something else that a differnet medicine would work better for me, part of me just wants well enough to be well enough.

I don't want my body to fall apart every decade. I keep reminding myself that my life is not my body, that whatever comes my way I can cope with with God's help and the love of my family and friends.


murat11 said...

Prayers with and for you, jsd. May peace seek your body and render you peaced. Right knee has been my bane as of late. Yoga and the hiking have been my salvation. And Tina's energy work.

jsd said...

murat: thank you, and I'm glad Tina's energy work and yoga provide relief :)

Lee said...

Prayers ascending JS! I'm with you on the hope thing. May it be something that is better treated with other things or better still, eradicated and no more problems.

May God keep you in his arms during this and may you be constantly aware of his presence.


jsd said...

lee: thank you for your thoughts and prayers.