Free Association

So I got this from another blog, who got it from another, and you get the idea...

What comes to mind when:

1. Bow out :: not in my vocabulary
2. Relationships :: are very important to me, and never feel like I have enough time to honor them all well
3. Facebook :: is a great way to have an idea of what your friends are willing to shout out to the world, and I do love when people post pictures
4. Items :: create clutter and attachement, and I'm getting really tired of moving them around
5. Ours :: my children...giggles...I mean our children...well as much as any human being is able to be loved and separate at the same time
6. Sting :: used to write great music, and his songs opened up the idea in my then teenaged head that I could write songs and call it poetry
7. Hangover :: not worth it
8. Contacts :: connections, relationships, differing levels - such a separate feeling word
9. Lonely :: quietly worried about the loneliness I hear other pastors speak of
10. Seven days :: and then God rested and called it good

Life And Such

So, things continue to progress well in the land of discernment. I was asked to choose a book that was meaningful to me/had a be impact on me. It led to some very good discussion, in fact we didn't talk about the other book at all. So we'll talk about that one next time, another book, and a theological topic or two. I'm more relaxed now that I know what they're looking for discussion-wise from book sharing/reading. I definitely don't need to go in having a thesis ready :) Just (ah just) what struck me, what made me squirmy, what touched me. Which in many ways is easier, and more present.

I've managed to stick with working out. Although I did pull a muscle along my rib cage recently (I think from doing "the lawnmower"), not too badly, but enough for discomfort or pain if I over-extend my arm. So, I'm trying to convince myself that not doing a free weight routine until it heals is ok. I'm finally seeing/feeling for myself the changes in my upper body (and not just the wife saying she sees changes), that nice V-shape you get. I lost 2 inches off the hips, but well we'll leave it at but for the rest :) I guess, what's making it hard mentally for me is that my body shape is changing but I'm not losing any weight. Sigh, I know muscle weighs more then fat, but you can only say that so often.

I've been very good about getting my walking videos done. Yes, walking inside. I use two of Leslie Sansone's dvds (). Finding good exercise dvds that work for you I've found is hard. The trainer's personality has to fit, the way the exercise is presented matters, well at any rate, her dvds keep me moving. I was able to complete the 5-mile walk, but after one section of boosted walking (light jogging) that was too much for the pulled muscle so I did the alternate movements instead and that was fine.

I'm trying to figure out how to get some pilates in to target a specific problem area, but that's a time issue. Although the wife is interested in doing this workout with me so maybe it'll happen this week.

My ministry project is moving along, and "they've" been great letting "the team" know what would be useful for them. So, the core mission is intact but the rest has changed, well no, it's begun to become more defined. And "they're" defining it which is awesome, cause that means they'll get what they need from our time together. And since we've gotten more defined more people are expressing interest in joining us.

Now, if only I didn't have another move coming my way. The crazy landlord wants us to sign another year long lease but to have a 30 day no cause kick you out clause (they're trying to sell house - and that is a long story), which we aren't willing to agree to. However, they won't commit to saying they'll take it out, just that they're working on the lease. So, while they're "working" we're out looking for a new place. So, I ask for prayers and well wishes that we find a nice home with decent landlords in the same part of town so that we don't have to put our children into another school.

Reading

I'm doing lots of reading this month and next, though that's nothing new. I don't know if Rowan Williams still writes this way, but my oh my can he make a sentence last an entire paragraph. Plus his sentences are almost always miniature concepts. All this to say that I'll read his book at a certain pace, and then move onto the two books I also need to read, as well as some BCP reading. Then I will (a) sit and contemplate (b) write something out (c) contemplate some more (d) write some more to then (e) vocalize.

For me, the discernment process has moments of expand/contract, you know stretching; and then there are these moments were something within settles and takes root. For all of this it becomes so easy to get lost in the worries that come with discernment, the fears. In everything there is a lesson of self, a discovery, a reawakening, and so I re-awoke to something in myself that has always been there, but only well discovered no more believed to be true, to be rooted. And I wonder if the oscillation ever stops, maybe that is what deep prayer is for, to sooth the soul that cannot rest because it is always seeking what it knows it has lost, and can only be found in the stillness of an open heart.