Dr. Martin Luther King Poem

The poem is written by Sunshine:

"Dr. Martin Luther King"
On MLK day
I feel happy
But if it is cold
Outside
I feel
Gloomy
Why
It is MLK Day
His death was a disaster
He was a
Peaceful
Man
His death
Helped
Us
But it took
Many
Years!

Mad World

There's snow in these here parts

Yes, lots of snow, record setting amounts of it. So, the family and I stayed home. We shoveled and shoveled and shoveled, but we played games, watched a movie and watched some football. We rested. The last day of our vacation time is winding down to a few remaining hours of wakefulness.

My first week back into real time goes full throttle starting Tuesday and won't slow down until next Monday. I'm trying to take healthy mental health and physical health steps. Steps I can use for the rest of my life and into ministry (if I make it that far). One step is in beginning the exercise program; it's a 6 day-a-week program, and it's what's needed for now. Eventually, I'll taper down to 4 days a week program. I'm enjoying it, even though it kicks my behind. Prayer and learning aren't as scheduled; they need to become just is ises; I'm getting there.

Part of me dares to hope and to yearn, to trust, to believe. But, the part of me which guards my heart, the part of me that is the protector says whoa there chica, it might not happen, so don't get too trustful, don't get too hopeful. But, I think I'd like to give this part of myself a bit of a sabbatical, a well deserved rest. Time to enjoy the everyday miracles, instead of carrying around the everyday tragedies. I find myself thinking, these things will always be here, but this moment won't so look for the joy. It's time too become. 

Crocheting again

I think I've mentioned that I had vacation days I hadn't realized I had, and so with time on my hands and a new crochet book for Christmas I looked at my hundred dollar bag of yarn in which lay a begun blanket. It was sitting in such a sad state for nearly 2 years. Why? Well, because the pattern called for working with 4 skeins at a time, and it was a huge pain every time I had to turn the pattern. So I just kinda stopped. Then on Friday I gave myself permission to chuck the pattern and do what I wanted. So, now I'll sc one whole skein then when it runs out switch to the next color. I've made really good progress, I've added about 7 inches to it. When it's finished it'll be 4 or 5 feet long and about 4 feet wide.If I ever finish it, I'll post a photo or two.

And a good day it is

Yesterday was spent being lazy anticipating the Christmas pageant and then dinner and presents. Princess went from a donkey (last year) to an angel this year, wonder what next year will bring.

When we finalllyyyy (kiddos emphasis) got to opening presents, as I passed out the gifts one at a time and we wrote down who got what from whom; it really hit home what wonderful friends we have and grandparents rock. Without them the kiddos Christmas would have been much lighter shall we say, and well the wife and I as well.

This morning was spent playing games, had another warm and yummy breakfast. My breakfasts during the week are pretty boring: yogurt, oatmeal, banana, coffee, water.  I went to the Christmas day service by myself, which was a treat for all involved. The sermon was really good, and since I didn't have to worry about anyone but me, was able to let the service wash over me.

After lunch we went to the nearby park and ice skated and did some sledding. The wife has never ice skated before but she did fabulously. It's been years since, I think I was 10 the last time I put on a pair of skates. The wife laughed and said a geriatric person would move faster then me, but hey I didn't fall, and eventually picked up a smidgen more speed :) The sledding was nothing to brag about, but still fun.

Eventually, the wife and I will start cooking dinner. We went for something a wee bit different, a teryaki turkey tenderloin...it'll either suck or be yummy; cranberry sauce, rolls, cream of mushroom rice, and corn (can we say carb heaven) with key lime pie to top it off. Neither the wife nor I like cooking big turkeys, and we haven't been able to find good hams. I have to admit, I do miss a good 'ole South Texas brisket and bbq for the holidays (oh dios mios my mouth is watering thinking about it:)). Which brings me to a totally off topic topic: The Food network. They have two shows back to back, one is a black couple from Tennessee and the other is an older white woman, and they focus on well yes southern cooking. But it's not the cooking that holds me entranced, it's their accents, their heavenly and heavy use of y'all. Y'all umm, ummm, this is good y'all. Y'all now don't be afraid to xyz...y'all. I'll admit to a prejudice, I don't like yous guys or you guys, I like y'all - gender neutral, inclusive, it is y'all.

And so to y'all a good night, peace be with y'all. Amen, ya'll.

Hmmm...weight lost - if only

So, I'm going to give a fitness plan a try. Why, because I've gained more weight then is good for my frame (at 5'8" it just looks like momma's got back, and some hip). I haven't had a true exercise routine/regime since my military days. At the time I really disliked having to exercise on demand, but afterwards when I could exercise whenever I wanted for however long...I loved going to the gym. Most military gyms rock, not all, but most, and they have racquetball courts (I miss that too).

Pre-kiddos, I went to the gym 4-5 times a week, went on regular 10-15 mile hikes in the backwoods. Post-kiddos, I'm lucky if I workout 3 times a week for more then 2 weeks at a time. There's always something else that needs being done...or maybe that's just become my excuse.

Retrospect is beautiful and humbling...I didn't realize how fit I was. I was always trying to keep up with my ex-husband, and he had this way of indicating that I wasn't fit enough, not fast enough on the trails. I'll deviate a bit, and share a story about the power of shoes. Yes, the power of shoes. I had and still have this pair of shoes which originally caused me much pain. The break-in period for these hiking boots (at least for me) was about 100 miles (65 miles in Alaska didn't break them in, nor countless other 10+ hikes, nope - it was mowing the lawn in them). And after about 10 miles of hiking my feet were shot. So, when the Ex and our usual hiking companions wanted to hike to the bottom of the Grand Canyon and then back out about a week later; I insisted on new hiking boots (I still have them too). And let me tell ya -- I kicked ass. The Ex couldn't keep up with me. My level of working out hadn't changed; all the crap I'd taken over 4 years of backcountry hikes was because of a pair of shoes. I was fit, and I didn't know it.

I can still remember what fit feels like, I have the pictures of what fit looks like, and I miss fit. I've done WW successfully, and I've incorporated most of the concepts into my eating -- I eat healthy, and have decent portion sizes, snacking kills me though; I had time to exercise (last place of employment had a nice free gym on-site). So the weight came off. But, now it's back.

The goal is to get back to the WW weight, then back to the weight I was when I was 28. If I only get to my WW goal, I could live with that. It wouldn't be go out and buy leather pants and get blue highlights reward time, more like khaki cargo pants happy. Ok, I'll admit how much I need to lose -- 55 lbs for my ultimate goal, 35 lbs for the first goal.

The routine requires 6 days of working out for about 45mins with a mixture of circuit training and cardio with a bit of ab work. There are three things that have become abundantly clear to me about what adds to my happiness of life: centering prayer, learning, and exercise. When I ignore these things, I'm grumpy and tired, more easily annoyed.

So, I'm going to try to take care of myself without feeling guilty about the time these things take away from my family with the hope that ultimately it adds to our collective happiness and good modeling.

Nearly done with the dentist...

...or perhaps it's more correct to say he's nearly finished fixing my teeth. Today we wrapped up my root canal; I was super calm and at random moments had "We wish you a Merry Christmas" running through my head then alternating to the Lord's Prayer.

I've inherited old world teeth, which was fine back in the days of awesome dental insurance. Now dental work makes the pocket book cry out in agony. Two more big ticket items, and hopefully that will be the end of my dental woes. Luckily, the school district we're in covers children who's parents have no dental insurance AND that the kiddos thus far appear to have inherited new world teeth.

It's gotten bitterly cold. Which means winter has truly begun, and warm weather won't be seen until mid-March, and unfrozen ground will begin to happen mid-May. Sigh, this winter I've told myself I will embrace outdoor activities. I've chosen two: snow shoeing and ice skating.

Also, I finally have official Step 2 start dates (drum roll please) - that's right January :) But, I'll be able to have two meetings in January which will help me throw the damn thing to the wind plan/schedule be kinda sorta maybe on track possibly.

Lastly, I realized that I was misreading a work spreadsheet and I have 5 vacations days to use or lose, so I'm using them. My hope is that I'll get a winter's hike in...but we'll see.

I should be doing something else...

Can we love who we are
It's not so easy for some
It wears lines of furrowed brow
A nagging ache expressed in time

For moments of ease
So startling then lost
Like the movements of hummingbirds
Everyone gathers and smiles

Then slight sighs and off
Into the barrens, the deserts, the
places within
Like a city overpopulated, polluted

Until a gentle tug
To return, a smile, a touch
A glimpse into possibilities
Of hope, of love, of selves

Writing to the wind

There's about 4-6 inches of snow on the ground now, with rain coming later. But, when I get home I'll get to shovel, which honestly I like doing. Pretty soon I'll be able to go snowshoeing!

My ministry contract project that I thought was fading to gray has found new life. Why? I think because we started listening to our hearts again, and you know the power of God's grace and all that.

I also found out that if I can't have a PDC meeting in December then we'd push for two meetings in January, which would keep on a 2011 track.

There are other things afoot but those shall remain private. Overall, today has been a fabulous turning of events. Isn't it so easy to be excited and anticipatory when things start to fall into place for you. Now if only I could harness that same excitement when things begin to look bleak. I do believe there's a word out there to describe that, but heck why be harsh to thy self.

And totally random, I really like Pandora Radio.

The Arrival of Snow

Winter has truly begun. The temperature has dipped, the first light snow-sleet combination has fallen and the first snow storm isn't far behind.

Joy...I hadn't nor have I spent much time thinking about this little three lettered word. I usually focus more on its longer letter relation Happiness. But, I think I like joy better. Joy seems more participatory, less a state of mind, more a state of arriving towards.

Joy is a good Advent word, and for the first time in a long, long time I really need this season. I need to be blanketed in winter, and held by Advent. I need the hope, the expectancy, the joy upon arriving at an event that has a joyous ending. At least for a wee bit, until the arrival of Lent, but really, now isn't the time for thinking upon Lent...it will come soon enough.

Tiring of the oscillation

The title really does say it all; Blog in a sentence. I got very wonderful and affirming feedback after the Advent Reflection I gave. I've noticed within myself, that I'm finding my elocution stride, my voice if you will, a steepening within. And this Sunday, I got an amazing compliment about the monthly reflections I write for a church group I lead; from a woman I don't think often gives out compliments.

Th compliments were along the lines of wonderfully reflective, open and fascinating, I make it a point to come to your forums. The other compliment came about kinda shyly, I'm not sure she had intended to share but decided she should; it went along the lines of your reflections are really deep, kind of scary really [I asked her how so]; you really give us alot to think about, way to motivate us, but to do that month after month, this must really mean something deeply to you, kinda scary.

I'm still processing, because I do try very hard to have these reflections mean something, as much for them as for myself. Sometimes, I worry because what I write doesn't always take a long time to write, maybe because I sit with those thoughts so often. Mostly thinking I don't come anywhere near what I believe I'm called to be doing and what I'm actually doing. And what do I make of being scary :)

So I have these wonderful validations and what feels like excruciatingly long periods of waiting to make forward progress: oscillation. I'm trying really hard to just be, to let go of my expectations, and trust that it'll all be ok, no matter how long it takes.

Advent Reflecting

This Sunday I led the first in a short series on Advent; my focus was Advent Traditions. I learned a thing or two about Advent and about imagery that was somewhere in my periphery but not a direct focus of thought, and prepping for this session did that for me.


I learned about Good Deeds Mangers, Advent Calendars, and The Jesse Tree. It isn't that I hadn't heard of them before, just I hadn't paid much mind to them, and to that matter to Advent.

I've been so focused on "arriving," getting to the next step, getting to the end, the finish, that I was missing opportunities. Kinda of like driving 75mph down a small state highway with lots of things to notice, but the destination becomes the focus, and the ability for awe and surprise are greatly diminished.

And so, in getting ready to lead a discussion, Advent has come alive for me. I'm excited for this time, I'm excited to know that each night I and my family will light a candle and say a short evening Advent prayer. I regained something I had lost, but hadn't even known I was yearning for this time and this space. On that note, here's my reflection of Advent that I shared with the group as they then shared their reflections.

Reflections:
I started thinking about child birth and the excitement and preparation and anticipation:
  -- There’s all these ways we count down to birth: months, trimesters, weeks, days, hours.
  -- How you have to begin to prepare your body, mind, and home.
  -- How your life is no longer your own anymore, everything changes.

Then I started to reflect on how much birth reflects becoming a member of the Body of Christ, that through Baptism everything changes and your life is no longer your own anymore.
  -- We renounce, we accept and we do this in community.
  -- We are to go out into the world as different people.

Then I started thinking about God’s love for us:
  -- How much God must love us.
  -- How much God had to trust in His creation.
  -- How much humility God must have (1) To be born and (2) To be born into poverty.

Then I started to think about hospitality:
  -- What does hospitality look like when it isn't offered (continually being turned away)?
  -- What does hospitality look like when it is offered?



Here's some Advent wreath tidbits as well:

Martin Luther had a number of ideas for things that people could do at home to teach the catechism to their children. He certainly didn’t invent the wreath itself, because that goes back to ancient Roman times, and probably even earlier. Luther may have used the wreath as a Christian-education device and thus popularized it. Luther most likely had a hand in it because the Advent wreath in its present form started in Germany as a Lutheran family custom. Wreaths didn’t become popular in churches until the middle of the twentieth century. Now they are nearly universal.


The pink candle is becoming more and more popular, but it has a strange origin. Long ago, the pope had the custom of giving someone a rose on the fourth Sunday in Lent. This led the Roman Catholic clergy to wear rose-colored vestments on that Sunday. The effect was to give some relief to the solemnity of Lent, so this was a very popular custom. Originally, Advent was a solemn fast in preparation for Christmas, so the custom was extended to the third Sunday in Advent to liven it up a little bit too. Somewhere in there the third candle of the Advent wreath turned pink. Meanwhile, Advent is no longer solemn and the pope no longer has the custom of giving out roses. It is kind of odd to think that a Methodist would put a pink candle in a Lutheran Advent wreath because the pope used to have the custom of giving out roses, but sometimes we’re a little more ecumenical than we realize!

Note: All tidbits come from the BBC

So Maybe Whining to God Works...

...I just heard good news about Step 2. If it's at all possible my P.D. lead would like us to start in early December. I'll know more either early this coming week or after the Thanksgiving holiday break.

We're not cooking a turkey this year, instead we decided on 2 Cornish hens and a small ham with the usual suspect of sides. Cooking turkeys is quite stressful, and we always end up needing to cook it longer then expected; our hope that things will go easier with the hens. I'm hoping the weekend has nice weather so we can sneak in another wonderful hike. If not, then lots of football and playing of games. We're on a Set and Banangrams kick.

We finally finished a 7 book series with the kid's and are now reading a child's version of King Arthur. It's written by the fellow who told C.S. Lewis that J.R.R. was incorrect about "The Loin, the Witch, and the Wardrobe". Also, it (King Arthur) seems to have been quite a popular version through the '50s and '60s. I didn't know this when I bought it. When I first started reading the kids were both ah mama we know this part already...hopefully we'll get to pieces they haven't seen through the Disney lens :)

Hope y'all have a good and safe Thanksgiving!

Ups and Downs and Waiting, Oh sigh the Waiting

So, I believe I've posted about making it to Step 2, and in case I didn't, well I did. But, now I'm waiting to hear when we're going to have our first meeting. I had hoped to start in November, and the odds of starting in December are right up there with hell and freezing. Sigh, I sigh alot lately in regards to this topic. Sigh, my gut had this feeling about January being the actual start date...sigh, I just didn't want it to be right. I'm still, sigh, hoping to be proven wrong.

I've decided I'm not an Advent girl, I'm an Easter girl - something about death and resurrection and transformation. Maybe it's because Easter arrives, and Advent begins, and I'm plain old tired of begins, at least for a while...it would be so very nice to have arrived.

The last time I inquired was two weeks-ish after I'd been told an email would get sent, and I'm approaching, sigh, another two weeks-ish of not hearing anything again. I have moments of complete okay-ness  and moments of complete frustration. And we all know I like to plan and formulate and sit with, and even day dream about...sometimes it stinks that you can't be a Christian by yourself.

Bads Things Are Happening In Uganda

I invite you to go to Rev. Susan Russell's blog: Inch at a Time and read what she has posted (and provided links to) about what is in the process of happening in Uganda in regards to GLBT human beings.

I did write to the Presiding Bishop, I hope that she does not remain silent much longer. Silence in this case is as good as supporting the proposed anti-gay law.

What year is it anyways

So, I'm going to attempt to chant Evening Prayer in January. I asked our church's music guru if he would let me record him chanting the service and then I would practise/learn through mimicking him, and he agreed. Then he reminded me that I should pick out what readings, collects and such I was going to use, and that's when I realised that the Liturgical Year will have changed.

There are two years you have to figure out in Lectionary and Daily Office land. Figuring out one does not assist with the other. The Lectionary has 3 years to choose from: Year A, Year B, or Year C. The Daily Office has 2 years to choose from: Year 1 or Year 2. I tried reading what the BCP says for figuring out Lectionary years and since 2010 divides evenly by 3 thought that it was Year A - wrong, it's Year C but I don't know why. Selecting the correct Daily Office year was counter-intuitive as well, but that I did get correct. So, if anyone is curious, come January we're in Episcopal Year 2, Year C. Next year I'm going to buy an Episcopal Church Year Guide Kalendar (and no Kalendar is not misspelled).

I'm excited about the doing this, I love LoVe love it when the priest chants the Words of Institution, I miss that alot. If I ever get to become a priest, I'm gonna chant, chant, chant my little heart away. For now though, I get to imagine what that might feel like one evening in January.

Veteran's Day

Going through my BCP

A prayer worth keeping in mind:

This day will not come again.
This day will never come again.
These beautiful flowers, this gentle breeze,
this sunset, this particular alchemy of nature will
never gather together again in this perfect unity.
This day on Earth shall never come again

I liked this

I think perhaps it was the song, but the imagery too...

To Borrow a Phrase

The good times are killing me...

...ever felt guilty for feeling down? So you start listing all the things you should be happy about happy for, and so you perk up but it's only momentary, and then you feel guilty only more so. Perhaps it's just a melancholy disposition, perhaps. Perhaps, it's crazy family shit that you put states between to buffer you but they still manage to find their way in into their crap and attempt to make you feel guilty for not doing x and/or y and/or z and by the way that luggage is over twenty years old, and by the way I'm not responsible for your @#$%ed decisions. Perhaps it's just life, and shouldn't you know by now how to live. Get right with God and it's all good. Only I'm not sure what I got wrong...I've never really liked that phrase...I like instead the good times are killing me.