Mariza - Barco Negro

Mariza's Official Website: http://www.mariza.com/

I instantly thought - whoa Sinead in espanol or err portuguege.

Leaks

The below come from the blog Telling Secrets:
http://telling-secrets.blogspot.com/

"A letter by Bishop Robert Duncan, moderator of the Common Cause Partnership, to Bishop Gary Lillibridge of the Episcopal Diocese of West Texas has been made public. In that letter, dated August 11, Bishop Duncan put in writing concerns of the dioceses of Pittsburgh, Fort Worth, Quincy and other members of the Common Cause Partnership caused by the suggestions of the Windsor Continuation Group for dealing with divisions in the Anglican Communion. Bishop Duncan had initially shared these concerns with those present at the Lambeth Conference of Bishops.

The August 11 letter was forwarded with permission by Bishop Lillibridge to members of the Windsor Continuation Group and subsequently leaked to liberal activists and published online and via email on August 18."

THIS NEXT PIECE COMES FROM The Common Cause Partnership:
http://www.united-anglicans.org/stream/2008/08/concerns-windsor-continuation.html

"A letter by Bishop Robert Duncan, moderator of the Common Cause Partnership, to Bishop Gary Lillibridge of the Episcopal Diocese of West Texas has been made public. In that letter, dated August 11, Bishop Duncan put in writing concerns of the dioceses of Pittsburgh, Fort Worth, Quincy and other members of the Common Cause Partnership caused by the suggestions of the Windsor Continuation Group for dealing with divisions in the Anglican Communion. Bishop Duncan had initially shared these concerns with those present at the Lambeth Conference of Bishops.

The August 11 letter was forwarded with permission by Bishop Lillibridge to members of the Windsor Continuation Group and subsequently leaked to liberal activists and published online and via email on August 18.

“I am happy to publicly acknowledge this letter and my description of the concerns we in the Common Cause Partnership have about the proposals of the Windsor Continuation Group. Nonetheless, it is disturbing to discover that at least one member of the Windsor Continuation Group, a body that is supposed to be working for reconciliation in the Anglican Communion, so quickly leaked private correspondence in an attempt to gain some passing political advantage,” said Bishop Duncan.
The full text of the letter follows:

Dear Gary,
It was very good to be with you at Lambeth. I especially appreciated the time we spent together looking at the relationship between the Common Cause Partners and the Communion Partners, as well as considering issues that are before the WCG.

I thought that you might appreciate hearing from me about concerns the approach of the WCG has caused for me and for all the Common Cause Partners.

The WCG proposes “cessation of all cross-border interventions and inter-provincial claims of jurisdiction.” There are at least four serious problems with the thinking surrounding the work of the Windsor Continuation Group in this regard.

The first difficulty is the moral equivalence implied between the three moratoria, a notion specifically rejected in the original Windsor Report and at Dromantine.

The second is the notion that, even if the moratoria are held to be equally necessary, there would be some way to “freeze” the situation as it now stands for those of us in the process of separating from The Episcopal Church. The three dioceses of Pittsburgh, Quincy and Fort Worth have taken first constitutional votes on separation with second votes just weeks away. We all anticipate coming under Southern Cone this fall, thus to join San Joaquin. This process cannot be stopped — constitutions require an automatic second vote, and to recommend against passage without guarantees from the other side would be suicidal.

The third reality is that those already separated parishes and missionary jurisdictions under Rwanda, Nigeria, Kenya, Uganda and Southern Cone (including Recife) will never consent to the “holding tank” whose stated purpose is eventual “reconciliation” with TEC or the Anglican Church of Canada. (It was obvious to all at Lambeth that the majorities in the US and Canada have no intention of reversing direction.)

The fourth matter is that the legal proceedings brought by TEC and ACC against many of us have been nowhere suspended by these aggressor provinces, with no willingness to mediate or negotiate though we have proposed it repeatedly, not least since Dar es Salaam.

For your information, I have written to John Chew and Donald Mtetemela in a similar way. I have also written to the Global South Primates who signed the open letter dated 3 August.

I hope this finds you well. As I pledged when we saw each other, I will do what I can to keep you informed of thinking among the Common Cause Partners, and will do what I can to see that any solutions imagined include both the Communion Partners (on the inside) and the Common Cause Partners (most of whom are on the outside of TEC, or on their way out.)

Blessings to you and yours,
+Bob"

Looking Forward to the Changing Weather

If the leaves but would turn
perhaps so would I
If the winds but would blow softly
perhaps so would I
If the color but would change
perhaps so would I

I've quite a bit of anticipation for the coming of Fall...like something deep down inside is hungry, and has waited so patiently for so long, that the continued waiting is much harder to contain.

So off with the head of logic
To walk from the heart
See from the heart
Listen from the heart

I'm excited again, and that feels good. Worried about the children; they're still struggling to get over colds. I still worry about making it here. But, it's not an all consuming thought anymore. I hope that time shows me, that all that worry was for naught you little child of small faith.

U2 - Pop - Has me humming, and then...

...one stumbles upon...

"Will you come and follow me if I but call your name? Will you go where you don't know and never be the same? Will you let my love be shown, will you let my name be known, will you let my life be grown in you and you in me?"

...and the humming shimes in...

Where Did the Week Go

I'm quite excited that it's the weekend, but where did the week go? Where has my Saturday gone...

The wife works today - boo; I did my "extra, extra" work today as well; the kiddos are trying to rest to get over their colds.

Later today, we'll try on our full winter kits - perhaps I'll post pics - depends on how cute we look ;-)

I've installed GIMP, and the help files - very nice freeware. Got to put OpenOffice.org Draw to work today. OpenOffice is MS Office but free and then some things. So as I can I work using the new tools into my everyday, but that's been slower going.

The highlight for today will be bringing home Vietnamese take-out home for dinner.

Well, off to do some honey-do items.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I have Spiritual Direction Monday - sigh - I don't have a clue what I'll talk about...let the spirit guide me eh.

Reading Interior Castles and 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and Jesus for the Non-religious.

There's two things about Burlington I'll never come to like:
there are zero after-school-programs in place the week right after school lets out, and the two weeks after school begins...it just doesn't make any sense to us;

people have come to think that it's ok for their salaries to be totally out of whack with the cost of living.

I still miss home...I thought this place could become home, but I don't know...it's pretentious, it thinks it's this great place for families to be - but it's an illusion only the rich here can afford.

Maybe I'm wrong, but SA didn't pretend to be more then it was - Home of the Spurs, and working class people, though I imagine with the rapid growth the dynamics of the city will change.

I've never been a nothern girl, I'm a mid-western suburban motown sa-town y'all kinda girl and perhaps "they" don't know what to make of me either.

I keep catching myself counting down to when I can leave here...some of that is wanting to come to the turning point shall we say - the one way or another way.

But, when we're hiking or biking, when I can find stillness - then this place isn't so bad.

Stuborness and Pride

A little backstory - my daughter had two training wheels on her bike, but got to the point where one would normally raise the training wheels to introduce more need for the child to balance themself; however, these training wheels kept falling down back to their original starting positions. So, like it seemed to me the most logical thing to do was to remove the training wheel she depended on the most - which is what I did.

So my daughter has been pushing all summer long to take her last training wheel off her bike, and I kept resisting. So she took matters into her own hands and was trying to pull it off with all her might...at that point I caved. I got the tools, and I took the training wheel off. I tried to impart my use the curb to push off with, but alas my independent thinker would have none of it and figured out her own desired method of send off.

She is now training wheel free and an official two wheeler. I am a very proud mama.

Big Sigh of Relief

Well, I've gotten part-time employment plus side work (about 2-4 hours) which will get done most likely on Saturday mornings.

I won't be rollin in it...but neither will I be in debt...I can see the forrest again :)

Gotta run...pasta is a comin'.

A Very Good Read and A Sense of Peace

So, yesterday I found a free pdf download of a book called "The One Minute Manager"...it is well worth the read, and it reads quickly. I've already finished it but will go through it again much slower. So thanks to Lee for pointing out a time management lecture that led to a reference to the book.

I have an interview tomorrow for a help people run errands, sit with them, cook for them type job...wish me luck. I'm actually pretty excited about the job - it feels like a right fit.

A co-worker of mine has some work coming for me. I don't know how much nor for how long nor when exactly, but it doesn't matter - I won't be saying no.

If I get both of these jobs, then things will be so tight as to still grind a little, but we won't go into debt - at least that's my hope.

We're adjusting, I'm adjusting...I'm finally at the point where the thought of all this doesn't reduce me to tears. I'm finally able to say, and mean it - I haven't come all this way, given up my family's home, moved them away from family, just to quit upon arrival. "This" will not be my brick wall.

I've gotten to this place with the help and love of my family and friends - all I can say is thank you, and maybe one day I can give back what you've given to me.

Bluck! What is that nasty tast in my mouth...

Why it's the Windsor Consultation Group. And for those of you in Tejas...sigh...is there hope?

Check out this link: http://inchatatime.blogspot.com/2008/08/flock-abandoned.html, which led to this link: http://www.episcopalcafe.com/lead/lambeth_conference/live_breaking_windsor_group_re.html

Which led to me feeling those feelings that I do about a particular bishop...must unclench teeth now. Which led to a google search on said bishop, perhaps you'll find it interesting as well.

I must let go...I must let go...I must let go...

Randy Pausch Last Lecture: Achieving Your Childhood Dreams

I watched the whole thing - it's a bit over an hour long.



A friend sent me this link...I have great friends.

For Murat - I Found Love

Busy Weekend Ahead

We've quite the weekend ahead.

Saturday is the annual summer "Rumble" for the neighborhood I live in. Then later in the day is Evensong and I'm ushering for the first time.

Sunday is early church for me, help with altar guild, then later in the day a bowling birthday party for the kids; plus a potluck dinner with fellow 'down the blockers' at one of our nieghbor's house.

I'm pretty excited about all the visiting and getting to know one another.

I'm slowly giving to God my worries and letting him keep them...I realized what some of my lessons are right before I feel asleep but, chuckle, it's fuzzier now...something like even in suffering there is beauty...the other lesson is about recognizing wants vs needs. Though finding a second job so we can pay for healthcare is definitely a need and not a want.

My wife was catching up with one of her friends, and she summed it up best - when I'm not worrying about money, I really like it here.

I told my wife I'm willing to struggle and work two jobs during this time of waiting to be able to start the process, and then go through the process - but if after two years and the call isn't affirmed, and we're still struggling, then I don't think we'll stay here. Not because we don't like the space, but because I'll have so little time with my family.

And there in a nutshell is the sum of my worries - the only other thing on my mind of late is that back in Tejas I was the 'chatty one', the one people approached, but here it's my wife who's approached and chatty.

Anyways, hope y'all are having good weeks.

p.s. I highly recommend "The Invention of Hugo Cabret". It's an amazing childrens' book, which I read from start to finish last night (all 550 pages of it).

Voices of Witness: Africa

There's an excellent video at this link: http://www.integrityusa.org/lambeth2008/index.html
entitled, "Voices of Witness: Africa"

Poem

If I knew which way you were headed would I still follow?
Would that I should have preferred the mystery

Not that much has been relieved, well of you that is
What I’ve seen so far, ah memories long past slumbering no more

If I knew which way you were headed would I still follow?
Would that I should have preferred the mystery

Ah but that too is not so true, I’m impatient with these struggles and would have preferred to skip the lessons

Gene Robinson's Blog About Lambeth

I stumbled upon this link on another persons' blog: http://www.canterburytalesfromthefringe.blogspot.com/

It's worth reading.

Pics from around town and Pride

Some pics from around town and two pictures from Pride. It was a small parade, but hey at least they had one.

Home Haircut Results...

...well, a bit shorter than I would like, so the wife is going to get a couple of clippers 2 or 3 sizes bigger. I had her cracking up when toward the end I said I felt like a big hairy man. I had my eyes closed and all I could feel was all this hair coating my arms and neck.

So here's the results...

untitled

please take this brick from my chest, pinned
please wipe away these tears from my eyes, sorrow
please

Some breathes of fresh air

The Church of England voted and affirmed that women may be bishops: here's a link to a blog with a summary of events: http://telling-secrets.blogspot.com/2008/07/cofe-synod-motion.html.

The Prebyterian church has lifted its ban on lesbain and gay ordinations, for an article about this, here's a link: http://newchurchrevolution.googlepages.com/news#Delete%20B.

I hope that this wave of inclusion has enough energy behind it to bring positive changes to Lambeth and the General Convention.

I think I lost my feet a mile ago

It's been a good weeknd so far. Thursday was a rough day all-round, but life goes on. The wife's bike was stolen from our backyard - our fault in some ways; it hadn't been chained up. While reading stories to the kids we think we saw who may have taken the her bike because the 10-12 year old walked into our backyard and proceeded to look under the tarp (we keep the bikes covered) at which point the wife went back there to ask him what he was doing. To which he grunted nerviously and walked away. I would have followed but I was in jammies and had been napping lightly so was abit disoriented. Later, the wife and daughter went to Battery Park to watch the fire wokrs that night - we don't know why they don't have the fire works on the 4th. While son and I stayed home because he got hisself grounded.

Friday we went to a state park about 20 minutes away and had a blast navigating the twisting rocky, rooty, and many a stair pathways with a brief stop by the beach with the dogs. A good time was had by all.

We started today off with a walk in the wrong direction to a local bike shop - about 30 minute walk - at least it was nice out. After lunch we walked to the waterfront cause we told the daughter and son they could swim, but when we saw were they took us - we were both like eewww, no way. So we walked the bike path to a relatively nearby beach, and had a good time in the water. The walk back was exhausting - it took us 40 minutes to get home, but at least we were hot :-) Though I think everyone's necks are now sunburnt.

Tomorrow is church and I think lounging; we may try to go the right direction to the local bike shop.

All told we probably walked 12 miles so far this weekend.

Poem

I see you inverted like my eyeballs do,
Only my brain corrects the inversion,
I think perhaps I’d rather awhile it didn’t, and
Instead left you upside down
Perhaps if we hung that way, the conversation
would flow more easily
Maybe this would remove those horrid notions, of you know,
how things ought to be

Video of My Walk to Work

Here's my walk and/or bike ride to work.

Walked to Work

I walked to work this morning, it's a doable walk if I don't feel like riding my bike, and when riding my bike won't be an option any longer - ya know snow drifts :)

The mornings are almost always sunshine and soft. I'd catch peeks of the lake, and I'm continually surprised by how it looks faded from far away but up close the waters are deep blue-grey.

I did meditate last night, and it was good for me. But, there's a restless unease that isn't going to settle until certain things fall into place. I keep giving these worries back to God...when it gets really bad I image returning to how things were. I'm not really ready to go back, but the near future has me anxious.

And all shall be well, and all shall be well.

A Poem

I thought I was a multitasker, but
my mind is getting strecthed to thin
competing wants and needs and holes so deep
and not just my own

I toy with skipping meditation, as I
have these last few weeks, months, days
I feel the internal tuggling the disquiet within
the need to fall into be

So, we decided to save money on haircuts

This all started when the cheapest haircut we could find is at the beauty school - $10 for a no frills no shampoo cut. But, they don't appear to be open on the weekends, and I couldn't stand my hair on my face anymore. So, we bit the bullet and spent 20 bucks on my haircut. Mind you I used to pay $50 every 6 weeks, but, well things have changed. Afterwards when we got home - I was like honey, you could've given me this haircut for free. She looked at my head again and said "yeah, I think you're right." Then we went hunting for her hair clipper attachments, but couldn't find them - we may have goodwilled them and just don't remember.


The wife used to buzz her own head back in her college days - she was even in a gay pride calendar with buzzed hair. So, she's the official barber of the house now.



We went and ordered the Wahl 79900 Clip-N-Trim 23-Piece Complete Haircut Kit for $24.99, free shipping and a quick look back at online store they just went up $3 (go us):

Then we went and googled about cutting your own hair with clippers. So in 6 weeks we'll see how this endeavor turns out. I figure with each cut she'll get better at. And worse comes to worse (1) my hair will grow out (2) my work doesn't really care (3) I can then dye my hair some extreme color and the bad haircut will now appear to have been on purpuse (4) 3 haircuts given to our son and it will have paid for itself.

And no fear for those of you who know our daugther, we'll just be trimming her bangs and ends - no clipper cuts for her :)

So Let's Talk About the Weather

Hmm, you know mental models based on memories - deceiving, can you believe it. When I lived in Upstate NY my memories are of this sunny state, and green, and woody. But sunny often, alot even. So what does this have to do with the price of umbrellas? I applied these memories to VT; only so far, the model isn't holding. It's mostly cloudy grey without outbreaks of sunshine. I never know how to dress day to day, or even hour to hour. One hour I'm too cold - the next I'm now too hot because I added layers and the sun will display its glory and heat for oh say 15-20mins. I'm used to sun day after day after day. I miss the sun, and it's only summer. Maybe I wouldn't miss the sun so much if my cubby wasn't faced away from the windows. I see the sun at 4:30 in the morning, not when I'm really able to appreciate the glorious rays shining in. No where in the literature does it say that VT weather is like Seattle - it's a Vermonter's little secret I think. The 5 day forcast - can you guess it - I bet you can - that's right - rain and cold with outbreaks of sunshine.

My Driving to Vermont Video

So, here's a short video of getting from San Antonio to Vermont.

I sound really funny on the audio, and for some reason I don't have any "day 2" or "day 3" snippets. But, hopefully it gives you a flavor.

Finally Pictures

Here's a picture of my new home and a view down the street.

Here's some pictures of where I work.

My cubby is now much more cluttered after only two weeks.

Photos Soon & Sadness

I got the photos scanned in this weekend and put together the snippets of our trip (I'm hoping it will upload ok); tomorrow is cable/internet install - so hopefully by tomorrow evening the wait will be over.

I do find that I really miss my old church, and I'm hoping once the summer is over and this church gets back into its non-summer routine I won't be so home sick for Rec. Plus all the training I took at Rec - most of it I'll have to re-take - so I can't even start back into my ministries I used to particapate in. I haven't been able to figure out their outreach ministries either - sigh; it'll just take time. But, the wife and I both agree that it will be a much slower integration into this community then we had expected. I miss my old pastor's sermons - so far the ones here are sorta academic, sorta not - so far they haven't spoken to my heart.

I hadn't prepared myself for feeling sad once I got here; but part of me is in mourning. Part of me wants to go back to how life was...but in many ways I can't - it's like God made sure to shut certain doors so that I wouldn't be able to entertain those thoughts for too long.

I need to let go of my doubt and fear...ah, the pains of settling into transitions.

Photos Next week Maybe

I may have photos next week, and possibly some video. I'm going to pass on tags until I can get my home internet up - so next round of tags - I'm in.

The few days of "oh my gosh hot" have passed and now the days are cool (brisk mornings and evenings - perfect afternoons). Also, this time of year the sunlight hours are super long - about 4:30am until 8:30ish - too cool. But total suck was winter gets here since it'll be the exact opposite.

Almost have Regular Internet

It'll be a bit still before I can catch up with everyone's blog, but we're supposed to have home internet by the end of next week.

My first day of work went well, the people are great. I rode my bike to work work today - totally cool.

It's super hot, and not having AC is making for some clammy nights. I think it's time to invest in another fan.

The wife had an interview yesterday that went really well, but the school is still interviewing and told her their process is a slow one - so keep your fingers crossed for her (and us).

Almost Back

We've arrived safely to VT, but my computer time is pretty limited - library only gives out 30min time slots and I'm down to 4mins.

I'll catch up as soon as I can - can't wait to get our stuff, so that i can sign up for internet.

The house is quirky but nice, the kids school is super close, and biking to work is still an option :)

Hope y'all are well.

Disconnected

Well, oh my...this is going to be aweful - no checking email everyday, no checking blogs...sigh...I've a desktop computer so it's getting packed by the movers this week.

So I won't be posting until about mid-June...by then the household goods will have arrived, been mostly unpacked, and then the internet account set-up.

If I'm not totally wiped out from our six day adventure to Vermont, and the hotels have internet I might post. Otherwise, I'm hoping to use my little low tech video recorder, and maybe take some photos to post once I re-enter cyberspace.

Blessings to yo all.

Daughter's First Art Award

So my daughter, who's in kindergarten, won her first art award from SHARE (Students Help Art Reach Everyone); here's a link to the organization: SHARE.

From the SHARE website:

"SHARE's primary project is to place student artwork into permanent collections. SHARE asks students to share the joy and energy of their art with the community. Sites selected are those where critical and often life changing events take place. All submitted works are exhibited at the Southwest School of Art and Craft for one week in the spring. One hundred works are selected for framing for a permanent site."

And here's the "piece de resistance"

Le Clown

Last Day

"Goodbye to Work"
The boxes are loaded into the car
The farewell lunch is eaten
The hugs and well wishes dispensed
And thus this chapter ends

As quietly as I arrived, as quietly as I left
Though I hope that the internet via email holds
some of those connections intact
But time and space away, ah the heart is fickle

Day 3 of 5

Parking for one of the last times
It's odd walking the halls
Once so familiar now textured different
Seeing people, really seeing them
Trying to hold them that moment of clarity

I hear your leaving, where to - how come
Civil unions [pause] discernment, well
the possibility of
Your leaving without knowing
Always indrawn breath then yes

Transposing Influx

slowly the good byes begin
slowly the last of this and that end
long drive ahead packed with my most precious
onward mountains, onward cold, onward small slice of my heart

somewhere between spaces
how long the paces to the de ja vu beginning
no turning back, no repentance
onward rush, onward unavoidable, onward large slices of my heart

What's On Your Desktop

Oh my...it's really rather sad...the default IBM display. There was a time when it was a Fall day with a red, red barn...a moon on the horizon...the house with the colors of Mexico...but alas, my work computer seems incapable of holding any image but - the default. Nor does my computer at home have anything but the default displayed. Perhaps the time has come to change the default display.

As an aside, we went up and got my new job blessed and our move to Vermont blessed this past Sunday. My pastor surprised me in a good way...he told the congregation the truth about why we were moving. So here's his big cyber "Thank You".

I'm 98% certain we've managed to find a rental home. But the deposit check goes into the mail tonight once I'm 100% certain. The wife continues to job search and interview.

And what the wife calls "sticker shock" has begun to ebb. I've had to work through some of my own "not enough money" demons. In that I grew up low middle class, and I didn't want that for my children, so I've some processing to do. Cause quite frankly the downward slide hasn't stopped yet. We'll hit the low end of the curve come seminary (assuming it comes). But, as I long as I can keep them clothed, fed, and sheltered; hopefully love will make up for the rest.

Blessings to y'all.

I'm...Elinor Dashwood, who's she??

Take the Quiz here!

I must admit to not having read the book, but did not want to pass up an opportunity to take a SA gang quiz.

It's almost off to Vermont

Well, I got the job!!!! The guys I'll be working with are great, and the rest of the staff seems really nice as well. Everything about this visit to Vermont was different from my last experience. Plus I got to visit with a person I made contact with in VT way in the beginning of this journey, and that was pretty awesome too.

Now the planning starts, already called the movers, need to put my notice in (boss out for morning), and oh my gosh - trying to figure out COBRA insurance stuff for the two months without coverage between 2 states; this process is probably going to be the most stressful part of moving.

Thank you for the prayers and well wishes...more updates as things progress...

Tibet

I recently watched a documentary about Tibet - it left me very sad...

...this wasn't the documentary but it has much of the same information:



...injustice, oppression, pain - no translation needed:


http://www.savetibet.org/

For more than 50 years the Tibetans have suffered at the hands of the Chinese government. In the last several weeks as Tibetans have stood up to their rights, thousands of Tibetans, including Buddhist monks and nuns, have been detained, arrested, interrogated or tortured and more than a hundred are reported to have been killed.

Join me and ask President Bush to stand up for the people of Tibet. The Dalai Lama and the people of Tibet need your help!

Take Action!
https://secure2.convio.net/ict/site/Advocacy?id=109&pagename=homepage

Some Pics of Mine

I took these a couple weeks ago, and just got around to getting them developed:

Sometimes you just wanna...

There was a gathering last night at the church I go to (the group rotates its meeting places) who are GLBT Episcopals who want to bring compassion, understanding, and change to the Diocese we are apart of.

There's this one priest who is always there and does an incredible job of alienating people. T.K. called him an ego bully, and I have to agree. This is the same guy who called me a heretic.

He seems to think that the only way to get things (e.g., the bishop) to change his mind is to present the GLBT case with logic arugements...sigh...he doesn't get that it can't only be about logic. Logic by itself rarely touches the heart, and more often it is the heart that changes the mind. He refuses to validate those of us who hold the belief that change comes through giving issues a human face. He refuses to acknowledge that logic doesn't heal, but invalidates the person who is hurting - it twists and places all resposibility/blame on the person who is hurting.

Back story: T.K. is writting a letter to the bishop about her own spritual journey and the pain she sees with mine (she does not use my name in the letter), she's also hoping that people who feel the same will sign the letter. She's attempting to bring heart to the logic, she's trying to take what's happening out of the realm of the abstract and make it real. All of which she explained to the priest. And he proceeded to tell her that won't work and no deserves ordaination just because they want to. So, when he finished talking, I replied pretty angerly that the letter was about me, and that I'm not looking to "get ordained" but what makes me angery and what is wrong is that I can't even enter into the discernment process here because I'm gay.

I went up to him afterwards and said, you know I don't think I deserve to be ordained, but I do deserve the opportunity to discern, and I know that won't happen here, so I'm taking steps to be somewhere I can go through the process. I shouldn't have even wasted my energy on him - he was just insulting - I had to walk away from the guy.

What makes me most sick is that he thinks he's helping "us" - that he's a guy who really cares about being a reconciler - he's just a dickhead. Who doesn't see the harm in telling a room full of people who have suffered discrimation that their pain isn't valid, you can't tell your stories you idiots, you must use logic.

Well, he can kiss my illogical ass.

The latest news

I've discovered that 50+ work weeks kick my butt...I looked in the mirror this morning and my first thought was wow you look like shit. Maybe it'll wear off with some sun.

My telephone interview yesterday went really well. It was a very different experience from the first company. It was more like a conference call in that the company had the IT director in the room as well as the IT guys I'd be working with on the call too. Then they proceeded to first tell me about themselves, and then ask me if I had questions about them - pretty cool. The next part was typical interview stuff - tell me about what you do, how do you see that work translate into the work we do stuff. Then they told me that they're still interviewing people but I'd hear from them within the next week or so, and would I like a phone call or email (I said email since my phone will be mostly off the next two weeks since I have clients in town Monday). Even if I don't get the job - it lifted my spirits - that nice reminder that not all companies treat potential employees like doodoo.

Another position I applied for emailed to say I'm under consideration - so maybe just maybe there's hope yet.

4 legged meme

Chrysalis Dreams memes. Meme-droid that I also am, I join the frayed:

4 Jobs:
1. I’m in the Army.
2. I’ll cash out and flip that burger.
3. Let me stock your stuff.
4. Analyze this please.

4 Movies I watch over and over:
1. Bound.
2. Fire.
3. Imagine You & Me.
4. Dancer in the Dark.

4 Places I’ve lived:
1. Michigan.
2. Korea.
3. Panama.
4. Texas.

4 People I would give a Fred Flintstone vitamin to (sorry, can’t go with the BSRITMONW option):
1. Son.
2. Daugther.
3. Wife.
4. Self.

4 People who email me regularly:
1. CareerBuilder.
2. Monster.com.
3. Lee.
4. Cousin.

4 TV shows I watch (“Fiction”):
1. Top Chef.
2. Workout.
3. Cold Case.
4. Hmmm,…

4 TV shows I watch (“Nonfiction”):
1. Top Chef.
2. Workout.
3. Nature.
4. Um,…

4 Places I’ve visited:
1. Peru.
2. Alaska.
3. Washington D.C.
4. New York.

4 Favorite foods:
1. Tacos.
2. Donuts.
3. Bananas.
4. Ice Cream.

4 “Wheres” I’d like to be right now:
1. Adirondacks, NY.
2. Burlington, VermonT.
3. Albuquerque, New Mexico.
4. New Zealand.

4 Things I’m looking forward to this year:
1. New job.
2. The return of the size 34 waist and muscles.
3. Read my pile of books.
4. Sunshine.

a whole lotta nothin

Once empty careful what you fill with

Look how far I can stick my hand in the cracks

Tread on me lightly

Perhaps the view would be better if I lay face down

Don't pull with your arms push with your legs

Really what good is a compass without a map

What good is a map if you don't know where you are

I want to lie with the tree that fell by itself in the forest - face down

If I keep pushing maybe I'll break through

Sometimes I miss the frozen lake and the hollowing wind

A Greatful Award

San from A Life with a View awarded me with the Gratitude with Attitude Award. I'm pretty honored to be selected, though in all honesty, I don't feel worthy of the award right now.

I've been struggling lately - trying to understand what it is God wants from me. And everytime I think I've got it figured out, well things go "odd" and I begin to doubt everything.

The only thing I've stopped doubting is that the call is still there, and it doesn't seem to have changed. What feels like keeps changing is how I'm supposed to get there; and where there is, and when. I still think there's a move coming this year, but to where? The wife still feels like VTs the place, and in the beginning it felt right and good. And I need to remember that and hold on to that and be grateful for that. But, the struggle for me to find a job is wearing the luster pretty thin.

Part of the problem is my full-time job has been so emotionally and physically draining for more months then I want to count backwards to, then adding on top of that job searching, planning for all the maybes, spending time with my family, and trying to do the things that keep me feeling healthy - has quite frankly drained my reserves. Have you ever seen ground that is so dry that it splits itself apart? That's me, I just don't know how to end my own drought.

I keep reminding myself that with God's help anything is possible, I keep reminding myself to be grateful, I keep reminding myself to surrender.

I don't have 12 blogs to pass the award onto, but I do have some gratitude I'd like to share:

1. My Wife - for loving me in spite of me
2. Murat - for your friendship, for you just as you are
3. Lee - for your protectiveness, for you just as you are
4. San - for your thoughtfulness, humor, and art
5. ALT - for supporting the D4, and caring about my wife
6. A.Mc. - for her daily prayers for me and generous heart
7. J.K. - for listening to me vent and bitch
8. A.J. - for his peculiar way of showing he really does care
9. A.T. - for always lending a helping hand
10. My wife's parents - for helping us and loving us
11. T.K. (Murat's wife) - for your friendship, for speaking out
12. And to all those who have ever struggled and never quit

Back from trip two

I keep wondering if perhaps I should hold off from posting...but...my trip was ok. The company doesn't sit on as high a horse anymore but at least it still sits on a horse ;-)

My immediate reaction once I left the building was "I just don't know" - I just don't know what they think of me, nor I of them. My next day reaction is that I spent alot of time defending myself. They're worried I won't know how to work within a small company, that I work as part of a team [I got dinged for using "we do" and not "I do"] One of the managers was a little put off that I asked what was next step in the process is, anyways...I may know something by the end of April.

I allowed myself to feel very insecure about my capabilities, so I'm feeling pretty down about the trip, the state, all of it - pretty pathetic on my part huh - so little faith. So, I told the wife she has to carry the love for the move for awhile.

The trip just wasn't what I was hoping for I guess, and I'm exhausted which doesn't help.

Thank you all for your prayers and support.

My Weekend

This weekend was very nice. We had a relaxing drive up to Austin. Found the seminary without any troubles and went to Toy Joy per murat's suggestion. My daughter had the best time there - oh the possibilities. Toy Joy is chalk full of gizmos from ceiling to floor that either chlinks, klinks, or slinks.

We then went back to the seminary and buzzed our host to let him know we'd arrived. He was very nice and very helpful throughout the weekend. Everybody was super nice. So nice that the wife and I wondered if we're nice enough to be there.

When I first started out in all this walkingabout ETSS was hands down the place I wanted to go. Even after I looked at the others via internet, but then something happened and I just wasn't so sure anymore. I felt my heart struggle between wanting both ETSS and EDS, or really rather a blend of both. But, this weekend put much of that to rest. It is an amazing place, and it will be a good place for myself and my family, assuming the path brings us back this way.

I find it ironic that I have to go all the way to VT only to return to TX. A strange path indeed. But, everytime I've asked or really doubted - God says go to VT. So, I'm going or at least trying to get there.

The weekend brought with it a mix of excitement and sadness. I so very much wanted to be one of the postulants starting up this Fall. And if my bishop was not the bishop he is, it may have been so...

...the weekend brought for both my wife and I a sense of rightness, a sense of this is where we belong - just not yet...you see there's this other journey we both need to complete first.

Our journey of south to north, north to south, south to somewhere but I suspect north. Why the ying-yang, maybe to heal, to come full circle, to form[ation] in my beginning place/space. To represent but not stay, to struggle but heal elsewhere.

I just don't know yet really...just my random thoughts I've been thinking for awhile.

Weekend at ETSS then off to Vermont

It's going to be a busy weekend. The whole family is going with me for visitors weekend at ETSS (the Epsicopal Seminary in Austin); it's our opportunity to be paired up with a seminarian and explore the seminary and all its implications.

I fly up to VT Tuesday, interview Wednesday, and then fly back that afternoon - extra prayers that I have an awesome interview - I'll be meeting with 8 different people, and that I don't miss my flight (the schedule is tight).

To safe travels, and new journeys.

Tagging Along a Tag

These seven are from someone else's tag then morphed by murat11 into this:

1. "I am a lip balm addict." - No, I really don't like lip balm. My daughter is in love with the stuff - any color, any flavor, even Vaseline. I will every once in a while break down buy some with absolutely no smells or taste, use it once maybe twice only to find myself giving it to my daughter. Bluck.

2. "I can walk pretty fast in high heels" - Not at all. I've never even owned a pair. I've tried them on for the experience, which left me bewildered as to why anyone would ever want to wear such contraptions obviously designed by someone from one of Dante's lower levels of hell.

3. "I love broccoli" - I like broccoli if it's cooked; otherwise, on my palate it's dry and bland and I feel myself making the eewww face as I type this.

4. "My current favorite movie is ‘A Star is Born’" - No, this movie is almost before my time. I have two current favortie movies: 'Bound' and 'Fire'.

5. "I really missed seeing the Oscars this year" - I don't normally watch the Oscars, but the one year I did was fantastic for one reason - can we give it up for Bjork and her swan dress - classic.

6. "I love making (and eating) good American pancakes" - I do enjoy a good pancake, but in our house this is typically a weekend breakfast hence the wife cooks them. But, my favorite way to have pancakes is with fruit inside.

7. "I have a dozen scarves" - Nope, I have one scarf that I crocheted for myself. And I think somewhere in our wardrobe we have a necktie of ALTs. But, in the '80s I did own two of those skinny ties. I'd wear ties if my co-workers wouldn't look at me funny - ties are pretty cool. Scarves are pretty, but they just don't say me.

Yeah

I have an interview this Friday with VT company who I really want to work for, and so does the wife (but with a different company).

So keep sending the love :-)

Oops and an update

Oops:
So, I accidentally published a comment I meant to delete...and I think it might have been some virus link...so I deleted the whole post (the Music Vidoes post).

Update:
Well, the company in VT got back to me...and the here's still a possibility, but slim - I don't really want to go into details except to say I should know yea or nea by the end of next week.

I know of one other company that is looking at my resume, all the other apps are in that nebulous limbo space. I try to apply to one job a week, but even that gets hard since I'm somewhat specialized.

I still think the way to VT is paved through my wife; she has a skill that more places want then want what I do.

I've began imagining Plan B, Plan C, and Plan D...but won't start to seriously planning/implementing any of them until the end of summer/end of 12 months of job searching for VT job. For now they are just what if day dreams to relieve the stress.

Plan B is just go to seminary here, and either work part-time or not at all.
Plan C is just go to seminary here and dual degree, and either work part-time or not at all.
Plan D is go to another state other then of course TX or VT.

But my heart is still with Plan A, it's still that "plan" that feels most right.

When you don't have words...

Disappointed

I'm angry with you...well, I was really angry with you yesterday, today....disappointed in a very understated way. Why open a door just enough to get my hopes up and then leave it cracked like a taunt and that just really makes me angry.

I've even tried asking the earthly people, but they DON'T REPLY EITHER. You both just suck.

Well, mister high and mighty, I'm not moving without one of us having a job. I just don't get what it is you want from me. Could you just possibly for a little while let go the silent cryptic shit?

Huh? Yeah, that's what I thought.

Oops, Missed a Tag

So...here it be:

Witchblade

From Wikipedia....

The Witchblade is an intelligent, ancient, and conscious weapon with extraterrestrial origins. It is one of thirteen weapons of this type. It is the offspring of the universe's opposing aspects, the Darkness and the Angelus (the dark and the light). The Witchblade is a male aspect created to act as a balance, which must have a female as a host. The Witchblade was discovered in modern times in Greece by Kenneth Irons, but before he found it had many wielders. When not in use, it can look like an ornate, jewel encrusted, right-handed gauntlet. When wielded by an unworthy user, that person will lose their arm. It forms a symbiotic relationship with the host, who can hear the Witchblade. When used, it expands across the body of the wielder, shredding clothes and covering the body like an armour. The amount and coverage of the armour depends on the level of the threat. For example, when facing mortals, it will usually generate less armour than when facing a demon of hell. This armor can produce extensions of itself that can form swords, other stabbing weapons, hooks, chains, shields, and wings, enabling the wielder to fly. It may also become temperamental if it chooses not to be used. When wielded, it can shoot energy blasts from the hand or sword, fire projectile darts, and whip-like grapples to attack or to climb. The Witchblade is also an excellent lock pick, and can heal wounds, even mortal ones. The Witchblade can re-animate the dead, empathically show the wielder scenes of great trauma, and allow the wielder to relive experiences from past wielders as dreams.

For Fun

If you're interested in personality types, and are curiuos about what your Myers-Briggs might be, then check out: http://similarminds.com/personality_tests.html. Then find and select one of the Jung Tests I-E S-N F-T J-P.

I'm a ENFJ -

Overall ENFJ's are the Idealists - this particular letter combo is Teacher.

This link, http://www.keirsey.com/handler.aspx?s=keirsey&f=fourtemps&tab=3&c=teacher , will take you to Teacher; however, information about the 16 other types are there too.

What's Up

Bad Management

Hold forth thy tongue
You who speaks through two mouths
Never knowing completely which master
serves you best



Today, was a great day. I'm feeling better, still snot nosed but not fatigued. I've managed to get a little ahead in my tasks. My document is not mine again until Friday. My team is all tasked. So, I got to recharge my batteries catching up with colleagues, spending time alone in my office, not easily accessible to anyone and everyone wanting little bits of me.

I've managed (at least for now) to come to an ok place about not hearing back yet from VT company. I've applied for another job that sounds interesting...life moves on.

Poems

A twist, a turn, a yo, a loop through
A stitch made, not a knot
Row after row, easy to unravel, yet
it holds


The wind sang to me last night
Longing for company, just for awhile
Just until the moon fades


Feel [an old poem]

Sometimes I feel like the sound of a weeping willow
A cool summer’s day in a field of tan and yellow with nothing but blue in the sky
No sound but for the rustling of leaves and butterfly wings, the scent
of heat wafting only in the stillness

Sometimes I feel like the sound of snow
On a dark cold night with the stars shining down
The smell is like the smell just before a winter’s storm
The sound of my feet sinking under my weight into the freshly fallen snow

Sometimes I feel like the sound of rain
Grey and overcast gloomy
The air tasting metallic against my tongue
Running down my face cleansing away

blah

...so i'm feeling sorry for myself, and worried i won't be excited when i get the next email from said VT company. i think maybe i'm scared they've hired someone else. and i'm scared about putting my square self into a round hole that really wants to be a triangle - ya know.

maybe if i look at the world upside down it'll all look better.

do you think god ever gets tired of us giving him the same stuff over and over?

there are no more fumes, and the car has sputtered to a stop...so maybe if i look at the world upside, and ask god what he thinks of all this...

Banged me head and assortments

No blood, no bruise, no evidence
Eyes looking almost through my head
Fingers probing tenderness

Hit so hard, fierce echo and shake
Hold my head to still inner quake
Prolonged moan of surprise

Just how exactly did I manner that

-------------------------------------

Five cups of caffine a day habit of late
Too tired to wake, too tired to sleep
A deprivation of sorts
An indulgence of sorts

Though they say I've smiled more of late
Random bits of song escape
Less frazzled laughter
The jade begins to fade

----------------------------------------

Clicked to PBS
Students interviewing successful people
On how they found success
Listen to that inner voice
Follow different paths
You just know when it's right
Stable and secure don't really go with take a chance
this just might be it

The Today show featured Vermont today
This evening featured finding one's calling

Nerd Quizes

Responding to Lee's Tag

So here's the tag:

Go back through one's archives and find "favorites" for the following categories:

Link 1 must be about family
Link 2 must be about friends
Link 3 must be about you yourself
Link 4 must be about something you love
Link 5 can be about anyone or anything you choose.

Link 1: Barbie and Ken
This was a post my wife wrote, but still one of my favorites.

Link 2: A Prayer
For my friend.

Link 3: The Outing of My Discernment
Where I've been and still heading

Link 4: First Homily
I don't love religion per say, but the sharing of one's faith.

Link 5: YouTube Fun
Choose this one for the joy of laughter.

Page 123 Book Meme

So, I went over to Aurora's blog, http://braveweather.blogspot.com/, and she had an interesting meme. I self-tagged.



(1) Grab the nearest book that has 123 pages in it
(2) Go to page 123
(3) Find the fifth sentce
(4) Type fifth sentence and next three
(5) Tag whomever (San, Lee, Murat, ALT)



The book I grabbed was Leo Tolstoy's, "The Kingdom of God Is Within You".


And it reads...

But all the experience of history teaches us that they cannot be altogether suppressed so

long as two men are left on earth, with bread, mony, and a woman between them.

I should be very happy if Congress would prove me in error. But I doubt if it can prove

history, nature, and God in error also.

I am, dear sir, etc. E.M. de Vogue

This amounts to saying that history, human nature, and God show us that so long as there

are two men, and bread, money and a woman - there will be war.

The book is about (taken from the back of the book):

...provocative antiestablishment pieces of literature...

...doctrine of radical nonviolence that Tolstoy understands Jesus to have articulated in the

Sermon on the Mount...

This was going to be my Lenten reading, but has become overcome by 2 OJT books I want/need to have finished reading by mid-February, and "The Great Awakening" that I'll have to extend from the library.

Round 2 - Still Standing, Round 3 - Still to Come

Yea! I made it past technical interview number 1; they're interviewing for two positions and next week is getting soemone hired for a different position then focusing on the one I interviewed for...so, I'll most likely be interviewed again the first week of March. But, she wasn't sure if it'd be another phone interview and then come on out to VT or come on out to VT or phone interview and decision.

So please keep the prayers acomin'.

Happy Valentine's Day

p.s. This is an awesome website for soemone who's interviewing: http://www.rileyguide.com/interview.html

Miserable Cities

According to Forbes article online, my home state ranks number 1 (Detroit) and number 3 (Flint) for most miserable cities to live in.

"Imagine living in a city with the country's highest rate for violent crime and the second-highest unemployment rate. As an added kicker you need more Superfund dollars allocated to your city to clean up contaminated toxic waste sites than just about any other metro." -Kurt Badenhausen, Forbes.com (Feb 11)

Did you know there's a thing called a Misery Index - an economic indicator??? There doesn't appear to be a Happy Index, but there is a Happy Planet Index - an envirnomental indicator.

So in light of places to live, check out this website: http://www.findyourspot.com/ (and if you're curious, here's my top three: Burlington, VT - Montpelier, VT - Northampton, MA)

Boo

UPDATE:
Scheduled for Thursday at 9am :-)


My second interview has to be rescheduled for sometime later this week, sigh, don't know when yet...hate waiting...waiting sucks...later

Today's Sermon

Today's sermon really struck a cord for me. The priest, she, spoke of thinking of Lent as a pilgramage time. And I thought about how I had been in an extended Advent, that season of expectations, and that now, just maybe, just maybe, the next step of the journey - the next major motion - is about to transpire: moving closer to the place where God is at waiting for me to arrive.

Part of me is scared about getting too excited about Tuesday, because the let-down will really suck. This company is one of those places where you use words like "dream job." That if God is only calling me to Vermont, then this job is a safe harbor, a good place to grow, a place of intergity. But if the call is to more, than this job becomes a place to polish skills that will help me be a better priest.

Well, gotta run, the wife needs the computer and I have studying to do.

Bad poetry

Fried, my brain is fried
poke my middle and I'll
ooozzzzeee
Please don't poke my middle,
trying to contain too much information
under the dilicate membrane
Fried, but still sunny side up

Made it to Interview 2

I made it past HR, so the next step is an interview with one of the companies technical managers next Tuesday...so I'm taking continued well-wishes and prayers.

I was told I'll know 1-2days after the technical interview the outcome...here's to hoping I have enough experience.

Peace

What's Up with Me

Ok, this is going to be short...

...I've been working my butt off...

...I've been dealing with some personal stuff: what I'll say is even careful people can get stung by ID theives...

...I have my very first Vermont job interview tomorrow for an awesome company; I really hope I can nail the interview...

...gotta go prep for the interview.

The Noble Hall Does Grow

My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is: Her Noble Excellency JS the Unctuous of Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title

My, my, I ummm, can't even pronounce my title :-) But, that seems fitting; leaves me room to grow.

And in case you to wonder at the word "unctuous" - from dictionary.com: characterized by excessive piousness or moralistic fervor, esp. in an affected manner; excessively smooth, suave, or smug.

The Flys - Holiday Man

It's been awhile since I've listened to these guys, and the whole album rocks - but this song is by far my favorite on the album: Got You (Where I Want You)



Hope you enjoy.

Some Macro Photos

Here are some pictures I took with my Optek 10X Macro Lens (HD2 platinum series). It was advertised for a great price on an online shopping website (it starts with an "A"). I've been wanting a macro lenses for a longtime but I can't afford the prices, so when I stumbled on this lenses attachment - I thought for this price why not. You focus the lense by moving closer or farther away from the object. Since I'm not the steadiest, I needed lots of light to get fast speeds to help with shutter shake.

As soon as I get better...

Well, the flu went away, but some other nastiness moved in...so, now it's an antibiotic and cough syrup. I cannot wait to get healthy again. I managed one whopping day of work last week.

I'm trying to have more possibilies then the polite "no thank yous" I've gotten this week. I'm partially relieved because I don't really want to travel across country in the winter. I'm partially quite sad because I can't seem to get past resume "looks". The companies are looking, but they aren't calling to interview. Speaking of interviewing, the wife agreed to practise with me, especially since I haven't job interviewed in over 8 years. I'm trying to stay positive...like it takes six months, the right door just hasn't opened yet, my skill set doesn't really suck.

Ugh - what if I've gotten it wrong, and I've sold my house, told my supervisor and well now just about everyone knows, and I can't find a job.

Ugh - then I tell myself to quit being negative, this is the right path, it's just going to take time, the right door at the right time...sigh...

So, I'm wondering when the right time will be - oh hey, yeah maybe I should quit trying to control when this is going to happen.

But, back to as soon as I get better - more veggies, more exercise, less stress.

I'm Alive but Roughly Breathing

Well, I survived the flu - yesterday I felt really good and then over did it around the house...so today I feel like there's a big brick on my chest.

It looks like everybody is going back to their respective routines tomorrow (oh yeah, they caught flu-lite).

I had the strangest dream close to waking up...the cast of characters included Tommy Lee, Keith Richards, and Ricky Martin - it was all very odd and involved car chases in vintage sports cars (except for the pinto thing with no power steering that the wife was driving then had me drive) and beat up pickup trucks.

Feel Aweful

Hope everyone else has a better weekend...me, low grade fever, sore throat from hell, and chills.

Health and Weather

So, ALT, here is my Health & Weather...I'll pass this along to the other "D".

How linked my cough
to the bitter wind
At least the germs disappate
more quickly or perhaps
more quickly spread

How linked my mood
to the lack of sun
Though this gray be not sad
introspective perhaps or maybe
anticipation awaiting

How linked the room of my intersanctum
to the crisp air
One had hoped perhaps
but layers, layers
prolong the excitement of skin

Signs, signs, everywhere there's signs and humor

I was going through my emails this morning, and one of my daily emails is my horoscope, here it is:
"Yes, all this waiting is probably making you absolutely crazy, and yes, you're due for the universe to toss you just one tiny bone. Now, stop whining. Nothing happens until it's supposed to happen, and no matter how hard you try, you can't change that. Deal with it."

Utterly perfect, utterly true, one has to smile and laugh at ones self sometimes.

It's going to be an odd week this one:
Monday: Dropped car off for service, standard stuff, just puts major kink in families schedule.
Tuesday: Finish root canal work. Now I'm pertified of the dentist but I can't wait to get this work finished.
Wednesday: Back to different dentist to get fit for a new crown (old one was what sent me to Tuesday dentitst in the first place). About a week later get the crown "installed".

So, come Thursday I'll either be smiles or frazzled or maybe a little of both. To have my week topped off by the bishop visiting our church Sunday. I keep thinking I don't want to go. I don't want to see this man nor hear him preach. But, part of me say that I should go. Part of me wants to introduce myself to him, and ask him point blank why he won't allow gays/lesbians into the ordination process. Part of me wonders what's the point of asking, do I want to hold the hurt that will come from that conversation.

Peace and blessings, and to anyone else with dental work this week may it all go well.

Signs, signs, everywhere there's signs

This morning while walking the dogs I asked God for a sign, basically asking if I'm following the right call. I've been feeling discouraged lately as I'm down to one "active" application out there in the nethers.

And well God does have a wonderful sense of humor...the family and I went to a local sub shop. The sub shop has TVs set-up for the enjoyment of its customers, and while sitting there I looked up at this odd commercial, I came into it near the beginning but not quite. There were all these people with shiny things reflecting the light into a neighborhood. My first thought was that they were trying to bring love into the world...but alas no they where trying to keep Monday from coming. But, for me here's God's humor - the last image is all text:

Moster.com
you're calling is calling

How sweet is that!

I EMed (Eucharistic Minister/Chalice Bearer) for only the second time today, and it was months ago since the first time and there where two priests so the flow went different then from today's with just one. And it didn't go horrid, just lots off oddness that left me feeling frazzled and a bit embaressed. Ah well, I'm sure it'll be even more months before I get to go up again. I have no idea how other team leads put their schedules together, but it isn't well thought out most of the time. But enough of complaining and embaressment.

Back to signs...quite a few years ago I went to an angel psychic out of curiousity. I don't remember much of the details now. At the time I had 4 neandrethalic angels that encircled me. A rainbow river that meant something good, and when my angels wanted to let me know that I needed to remember love that I'd see butterflies. And the only specific question I can remember asking was what was I supposed to do with my writing; the answer was that the angels would not let her see, that they had pulled a veil over the answer, that I had to figure that one out for myself. And so when I dare to believe it will be so, I've the answer now - sermons.

Much love and many blessings.

Poem

I hope murat11 doesn't mind I stole a few stanzas from his, Strange Gnus: Jazzable Sweet, and added a little of mine.

and he said,
in the darker spaces
in the darker air
in the darker whispers
of the dark dark darkened snare

and her reply slow,
oh i've been there
tangled and entwined
listen not
as a trail i do leave

and he said,
no proper names
no foreign gold
no clumsy gifts
no rough-cut wood
no tuneless songs
no happy years
no crying bench
no centered lives
no field of tears
no sprouted wings
no rebel wind
no high-pitched worry
the thick and chilly white—

and her reply slow,
what kingdom then am i

I feel like I'm leaving this unended but I've got to go.

Poem

What place has She
Institutional
Small group sessions
Through the desert and into the woods

Of my heart
What place has She
Hypocrisy
Heresy

How shall I hold Her
Precariously
Tenderly
Into now and then and possibly

What place has She
I hear her ask
Trembling
Part fear and part expectation

What's your recipe

What's your recipe?
3 parts Daring
2 parts Sensitivity
1 part Poise

Splash of Enchantment
Limit yourself to one serving. This cocktail is strong!

What's the Recipe for Your Personality?

Ok, so instead of blogging about what's on my mind - I offer this instead.

Labrynth Morning of January 01

Labrynth walk the morning of January 1, 2008.

Hope I didn't get you too dizzy :)

Resolutions, bah

No, no resolutions this year. Perhaps because I feel like I'm still learning to live in now and not hurry up and get there mode. There are so many unknowns before for me, that to not totally stress out, I can only do what I can, and the rest is up to God and myself. One of my latest discussions with my Spiritual Director was about me still being in that season of Advent, that expectant waiting. I do know I need to give myself more quiet time for reflection, more time to just be, and not always filling every spare moment with something. It's like I won't allow my mind idleness. If I'm sitting it's active sitting not just being. If I'm moving it's to get somewhere. If I'm sleeping I'm dreaming. I think I lost my off switch :-)

So on New Year's Day I officiated Morning Prayer into the great silence. I walked the labrynth with my usual speed in the glow of a rising sun [I'll post video later]. I drove home with silence. And entered my life. I am blessed with a wonderful life, and God has blessed me my entire life.

Thank you to all who are a piece of my life, much love, new journeys, and many blessings.

Can she really upload video??

If this works, that'll be so cool!!! Six seconds of nothing but the cat ;-)

ALT's Meesa Back Tag

Not sure if ALT was throwing out a tag for anyone, or responding to a tag...but hey, I'll play anyways.

1. What is your favorite flower?
Lilies.

2. What word in the English language do you wish you had invented?
Loving-kindness.

3. What do you miss about your childhood?
My Star Wars action figures, along with my Justice League dolls.

4. What is the main fault in your character?
Perfectionism.

5. Describe how you kiss in one word.
Present.

6. What in the world do you least desire?
Violence, discrimination, and monetary debt.

7. Finish this sentence. "Happiness is a thing called..."
now.

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Have a safe and merry New Year's Eve and New Year's Day.

Anniversary Celebration

So, my wife and I have been talking about going up to the altar rail for quite awhile, and due to a chain of events, such as, our Pastor saying all are welcome to have clebrations blessed - today was the day we went up for our 3.5 year celebration blessing.

My poor wife kept wanting to hold my hand and I kept needing to wiggle free, but luckily for me she didn't let go :-) So we were up at the rail with one birthday and another anniversary of 38 years. So our Pastor gave the celebration blessing, and normally our church claps right away after the blessings...well, there was about 2 seconds of utter silence, then bless him, our Pastor started clapping, then the people at the rail starting clapping, and then the congregation joined in.

Afterwards, a friend asked me if I felt the Holy Spirit during the blessing, to which I replied "No, I was way too nervious." I felt like I did the day my wife and I got married, extremely happy and a bit weak in the knees. My wife just beaming at me (which was awesome) and supportive quiet laughter at my 10 minutes of deep breathes afterwards.

It's telling and sad that not one of our LGBT parisheners uttered one word to us after church, but a number of straight parisheners did. And I don't know if it was coincidence or intentional but one lesbain couple got up and left once we got up to go to the rail, and didn't come back until after the blessings - I'm sure I'm just imagining things.

So that was my fourth Sunday of Advent.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

'Sup with Me

Well, I finished crocheting my wife's scarf last night - yea. It will go very nicely with her winter jacket. My next project is to use just the knit stitch to make another scarf so I can get some fluidity before moving onto knit 1 pearl 1.

The EFM group liked my homily :-) It was a wonderful evening of fellowship. And when I arrived at home there was one of my wife's best friends all the way down from CT. So that was a very nice end to a really nice evening.

I got cd's that are designed to teach you Spanish while driving in the car - very exciting. So let's see if the cobwebs get swept away cause deep in the recesses of my brain, there are years worth of vocabulary and sentence structure buried in there.

Totally random - I got a new cowboy hat, so I'll see if I can remember to take a picture of it. OOhh, and one of my Christmas presents is a digital video recorder - nothing fancy, on the way low end, but it was priced in bargan bin numbers. But I don't get to use it until after Christmas Eve (which is when we open our presents). But when I do, I'm going to play with posting "videos" to zeh blog - or at least thta's my thoughts for now. Wouldn't y'all love to see a videos of my dogs ;-)

First Homily

So, I wrote my first homily for my EFM group's Christmas Eucharist Celebration. We each picked what part we would have in the service and what foods for the shared meal afterwards. Our theme we were given, or maybe we chose, I can't remember now, is gifts. I don't know what any of the readings will be to include the gospel reading, and the only other requirement be that it was between 2-3 minutes in length.

Sermon in a sentence, not quite, more like snippet of scripture to work from, and it's pretty obvious what that snippet is. So, here it is:

…For the gifts and the calling of God are irrevocable…how true is this - for us in our lives, as we go out everyday into the world? How easy it is to get lost and overwhelmed by hopelessness and sadness…especially during the season of giving. Holding in tension the joy of giving to our loved ones and knowing there are so many who go without everyday.

News stories about Iraq, Afghanistan, CIA torture techniques, Darfur, killing sprees in Colorado, severe weather causing deaths in the mid-west, Guantanamo Bay, habeas corpus, who will be the next president, deficits, talk of recession, out sourcing, consumer confidence, Just hear those sleigh bells jingling, ring ting tingling too…

…For the gifts and the calling of God are irrevocable…cannot be undone, revoked, unalterable…how amazing is that? That God gives and does not take away. He is always there waiting for the ‘Here am I’, that entrance into our hearts. That entrance into the realm of it is possible to change the world. It is possible to live this life as though it is the kingdom of God right now, right in this moment, that every moment is a moment to bring God’s love for us to another…one word, one touch, one acknowledgement, one courageous act of love…

Imagine a world without borders, without fences…Imagine a world where ethnicity, sexuality, gender - didn’t matter…Imagine a world that saw instead Christ in each hello, good-bye, come again, how can I help you, thank you, peace be with you…Imagine a world where people had the courage to say no to violence even in the face of their own imprisonment or death…

…For the gifts and the calling of God are irrevocable…how often do we think, I’m just too tired, I’ve done enough, and felt guilty for not doing more? How often do we turn away only to hear and feel God gently nudging us, encouraging us, surprising us…

I look at the people in this room and feel humbled by all of you. Each of you in and of yourselves gifts; teachers, healers…treasured for your sharing, compassion, and companionship along my own journey. I look at each of you and find courage – strength – and most specially, laughter. You help me remember each week that it is possible to accomplish anything with God’s help.

…For the gifts and the calling of God are irrevocable…can it really be that each of us is gifted…as the days on which the Jews gained relief from their enemies, and as the month that had been turned for them from sorrow into gladness and from mourning into a holiday; that they should make them days of feasting and gladness, days for sending gifts of food to one another and presents to the poor. What are our gifts? And when we embrace them, what will we do with them?

Christmas and other stuff

Celebrated Christmas with my wife's family early. It was a wonderful weekend that went too quickly. My favorite parts were (a) my mother-in-law's awesome cooking (b) the long walks down country roads (c) falling a asleep on the back screened in patio watching random birds come to feed.

It felt really good to leave the stress behind and forgotten for a couple of days. We took tomorrow off to shop together for the kids' Christmas presents, as well as run a few errands. I'm sooo excited about not going to work tomorrow.

Lastly, the resume is out there, so here's to finding a new job sometime soon.