Pics from around town and Pride

Some pics from around town and two pictures from Pride. It was a small parade, but hey at least they had one.

Home Haircut Results...

...well, a bit shorter than I would like, so the wife is going to get a couple of clippers 2 or 3 sizes bigger. I had her cracking up when toward the end I said I felt like a big hairy man. I had my eyes closed and all I could feel was all this hair coating my arms and neck.

So here's the results...

untitled

please take this brick from my chest, pinned
please wipe away these tears from my eyes, sorrow
please

Some breathes of fresh air

The Church of England voted and affirmed that women may be bishops: here's a link to a blog with a summary of events: http://telling-secrets.blogspot.com/2008/07/cofe-synod-motion.html.

The Prebyterian church has lifted its ban on lesbain and gay ordinations, for an article about this, here's a link: http://newchurchrevolution.googlepages.com/news#Delete%20B.

I hope that this wave of inclusion has enough energy behind it to bring positive changes to Lambeth and the General Convention.

I think I lost my feet a mile ago

It's been a good weeknd so far. Thursday was a rough day all-round, but life goes on. The wife's bike was stolen from our backyard - our fault in some ways; it hadn't been chained up. While reading stories to the kids we think we saw who may have taken the her bike because the 10-12 year old walked into our backyard and proceeded to look under the tarp (we keep the bikes covered) at which point the wife went back there to ask him what he was doing. To which he grunted nerviously and walked away. I would have followed but I was in jammies and had been napping lightly so was abit disoriented. Later, the wife and daughter went to Battery Park to watch the fire wokrs that night - we don't know why they don't have the fire works on the 4th. While son and I stayed home because he got hisself grounded.

Friday we went to a state park about 20 minutes away and had a blast navigating the twisting rocky, rooty, and many a stair pathways with a brief stop by the beach with the dogs. A good time was had by all.

We started today off with a walk in the wrong direction to a local bike shop - about 30 minute walk - at least it was nice out. After lunch we walked to the waterfront cause we told the daughter and son they could swim, but when we saw were they took us - we were both like eewww, no way. So we walked the bike path to a relatively nearby beach, and had a good time in the water. The walk back was exhausting - it took us 40 minutes to get home, but at least we were hot :-) Though I think everyone's necks are now sunburnt.

Tomorrow is church and I think lounging; we may try to go the right direction to the local bike shop.

All told we probably walked 12 miles so far this weekend.

Poem

I see you inverted like my eyeballs do,
Only my brain corrects the inversion,
I think perhaps I’d rather awhile it didn’t, and
Instead left you upside down
Perhaps if we hung that way, the conversation
would flow more easily
Maybe this would remove those horrid notions, of you know,
how things ought to be

Video of My Walk to Work

Here's my walk and/or bike ride to work.

Walked to Work

I walked to work this morning, it's a doable walk if I don't feel like riding my bike, and when riding my bike won't be an option any longer - ya know snow drifts :)

The mornings are almost always sunshine and soft. I'd catch peeks of the lake, and I'm continually surprised by how it looks faded from far away but up close the waters are deep blue-grey.

I did meditate last night, and it was good for me. But, there's a restless unease that isn't going to settle until certain things fall into place. I keep giving these worries back to God...when it gets really bad I image returning to how things were. I'm not really ready to go back, but the near future has me anxious.

And all shall be well, and all shall be well.

A Poem

I thought I was a multitasker, but
my mind is getting strecthed to thin
competing wants and needs and holes so deep
and not just my own

I toy with skipping meditation, as I
have these last few weeks, months, days
I feel the internal tuggling the disquiet within
the need to fall into be

So, we decided to save money on haircuts

This all started when the cheapest haircut we could find is at the beauty school - $10 for a no frills no shampoo cut. But, they don't appear to be open on the weekends, and I couldn't stand my hair on my face anymore. So, we bit the bullet and spent 20 bucks on my haircut. Mind you I used to pay $50 every 6 weeks, but, well things have changed. Afterwards when we got home - I was like honey, you could've given me this haircut for free. She looked at my head again and said "yeah, I think you're right." Then we went hunting for her hair clipper attachments, but couldn't find them - we may have goodwilled them and just don't remember.


The wife used to buzz her own head back in her college days - she was even in a gay pride calendar with buzzed hair. So, she's the official barber of the house now.



We went and ordered the Wahl 79900 Clip-N-Trim 23-Piece Complete Haircut Kit for $24.99, free shipping and a quick look back at online store they just went up $3 (go us):

Then we went and googled about cutting your own hair with clippers. So in 6 weeks we'll see how this endeavor turns out. I figure with each cut she'll get better at. And worse comes to worse (1) my hair will grow out (2) my work doesn't really care (3) I can then dye my hair some extreme color and the bad haircut will now appear to have been on purpuse (4) 3 haircuts given to our son and it will have paid for itself.

And no fear for those of you who know our daugther, we'll just be trimming her bangs and ends - no clipper cuts for her :)

So Let's Talk About the Weather

Hmm, you know mental models based on memories - deceiving, can you believe it. When I lived in Upstate NY my memories are of this sunny state, and green, and woody. But sunny often, alot even. So what does this have to do with the price of umbrellas? I applied these memories to VT; only so far, the model isn't holding. It's mostly cloudy grey without outbreaks of sunshine. I never know how to dress day to day, or even hour to hour. One hour I'm too cold - the next I'm now too hot because I added layers and the sun will display its glory and heat for oh say 15-20mins. I'm used to sun day after day after day. I miss the sun, and it's only summer. Maybe I wouldn't miss the sun so much if my cubby wasn't faced away from the windows. I see the sun at 4:30 in the morning, not when I'm really able to appreciate the glorious rays shining in. No where in the literature does it say that VT weather is like Seattle - it's a Vermonter's little secret I think. The 5 day forcast - can you guess it - I bet you can - that's right - rain and cold with outbreaks of sunshine.

My Driving to Vermont Video

So, here's a short video of getting from San Antonio to Vermont.

I sound really funny on the audio, and for some reason I don't have any "day 2" or "day 3" snippets. But, hopefully it gives you a flavor.

Finally Pictures

Here's a picture of my new home and a view down the street.

Here's some pictures of where I work.

My cubby is now much more cluttered after only two weeks.

Photos Soon & Sadness

I got the photos scanned in this weekend and put together the snippets of our trip (I'm hoping it will upload ok); tomorrow is cable/internet install - so hopefully by tomorrow evening the wait will be over.

I do find that I really miss my old church, and I'm hoping once the summer is over and this church gets back into its non-summer routine I won't be so home sick for Rec. Plus all the training I took at Rec - most of it I'll have to re-take - so I can't even start back into my ministries I used to particapate in. I haven't been able to figure out their outreach ministries either - sigh; it'll just take time. But, the wife and I both agree that it will be a much slower integration into this community then we had expected. I miss my old pastor's sermons - so far the ones here are sorta academic, sorta not - so far they haven't spoken to my heart.

I hadn't prepared myself for feeling sad once I got here; but part of me is in mourning. Part of me wants to go back to how life was...but in many ways I can't - it's like God made sure to shut certain doors so that I wouldn't be able to entertain those thoughts for too long.

I need to let go of my doubt and fear...ah, the pains of settling into transitions.

Photos Next week Maybe

I may have photos next week, and possibly some video. I'm going to pass on tags until I can get my home internet up - so next round of tags - I'm in.

The few days of "oh my gosh hot" have passed and now the days are cool (brisk mornings and evenings - perfect afternoons). Also, this time of year the sunlight hours are super long - about 4:30am until 8:30ish - too cool. But total suck was winter gets here since it'll be the exact opposite.

Almost have Regular Internet

It'll be a bit still before I can catch up with everyone's blog, but we're supposed to have home internet by the end of next week.

My first day of work went well, the people are great. I rode my bike to work work today - totally cool.

It's super hot, and not having AC is making for some clammy nights. I think it's time to invest in another fan.

The wife had an interview yesterday that went really well, but the school is still interviewing and told her their process is a slow one - so keep your fingers crossed for her (and us).

Almost Back

We've arrived safely to VT, but my computer time is pretty limited - library only gives out 30min time slots and I'm down to 4mins.

I'll catch up as soon as I can - can't wait to get our stuff, so that i can sign up for internet.

The house is quirky but nice, the kids school is super close, and biking to work is still an option :)

Hope y'all are well.

Disconnected

Well, oh my...this is going to be aweful - no checking email everyday, no checking blogs...sigh...I've a desktop computer so it's getting packed by the movers this week.

So I won't be posting until about mid-June...by then the household goods will have arrived, been mostly unpacked, and then the internet account set-up.

If I'm not totally wiped out from our six day adventure to Vermont, and the hotels have internet I might post. Otherwise, I'm hoping to use my little low tech video recorder, and maybe take some photos to post once I re-enter cyberspace.

Blessings to yo all.

Daughter's First Art Award

So my daughter, who's in kindergarten, won her first art award from SHARE (Students Help Art Reach Everyone); here's a link to the organization: SHARE.

From the SHARE website:

"SHARE's primary project is to place student artwork into permanent collections. SHARE asks students to share the joy and energy of their art with the community. Sites selected are those where critical and often life changing events take place. All submitted works are exhibited at the Southwest School of Art and Craft for one week in the spring. One hundred works are selected for framing for a permanent site."

And here's the "piece de resistance"

Le Clown

Last Day

"Goodbye to Work"
The boxes are loaded into the car
The farewell lunch is eaten
The hugs and well wishes dispensed
And thus this chapter ends

As quietly as I arrived, as quietly as I left
Though I hope that the internet via email holds
some of those connections intact
But time and space away, ah the heart is fickle

Day 3 of 5

Parking for one of the last times
It's odd walking the halls
Once so familiar now textured different
Seeing people, really seeing them
Trying to hold them that moment of clarity

I hear your leaving, where to - how come
Civil unions [pause] discernment, well
the possibility of
Your leaving without knowing
Always indrawn breath then yes

Transposing Influx

slowly the good byes begin
slowly the last of this and that end
long drive ahead packed with my most precious
onward mountains, onward cold, onward small slice of my heart

somewhere between spaces
how long the paces to the de ja vu beginning
no turning back, no repentance
onward rush, onward unavoidable, onward large slices of my heart

What's On Your Desktop

Oh my...it's really rather sad...the default IBM display. There was a time when it was a Fall day with a red, red barn...a moon on the horizon...the house with the colors of Mexico...but alas, my work computer seems incapable of holding any image but - the default. Nor does my computer at home have anything but the default displayed. Perhaps the time has come to change the default display.

As an aside, we went up and got my new job blessed and our move to Vermont blessed this past Sunday. My pastor surprised me in a good way...he told the congregation the truth about why we were moving. So here's his big cyber "Thank You".

I'm 98% certain we've managed to find a rental home. But the deposit check goes into the mail tonight once I'm 100% certain. The wife continues to job search and interview.

And what the wife calls "sticker shock" has begun to ebb. I've had to work through some of my own "not enough money" demons. In that I grew up low middle class, and I didn't want that for my children, so I've some processing to do. Cause quite frankly the downward slide hasn't stopped yet. We'll hit the low end of the curve come seminary (assuming it comes). But, as I long as I can keep them clothed, fed, and sheltered; hopefully love will make up for the rest.

Blessings to y'all.

I'm...Elinor Dashwood, who's she??

Take the Quiz here!

I must admit to not having read the book, but did not want to pass up an opportunity to take a SA gang quiz.

It's almost off to Vermont

Well, I got the job!!!! The guys I'll be working with are great, and the rest of the staff seems really nice as well. Everything about this visit to Vermont was different from my last experience. Plus I got to visit with a person I made contact with in VT way in the beginning of this journey, and that was pretty awesome too.

Now the planning starts, already called the movers, need to put my notice in (boss out for morning), and oh my gosh - trying to figure out COBRA insurance stuff for the two months without coverage between 2 states; this process is probably going to be the most stressful part of moving.

Thank you for the prayers and well wishes...more updates as things progress...

Tibet

I recently watched a documentary about Tibet - it left me very sad...

...this wasn't the documentary but it has much of the same information:



...injustice, oppression, pain - no translation needed:


http://www.savetibet.org/

For more than 50 years the Tibetans have suffered at the hands of the Chinese government. In the last several weeks as Tibetans have stood up to their rights, thousands of Tibetans, including Buddhist monks and nuns, have been detained, arrested, interrogated or tortured and more than a hundred are reported to have been killed.

Join me and ask President Bush to stand up for the people of Tibet. The Dalai Lama and the people of Tibet need your help!

Take Action!
https://secure2.convio.net/ict/site/Advocacy?id=109&pagename=homepage

Some Pics of Mine

I took these a couple weeks ago, and just got around to getting them developed:

Sometimes you just wanna...

There was a gathering last night at the church I go to (the group rotates its meeting places) who are GLBT Episcopals who want to bring compassion, understanding, and change to the Diocese we are apart of.

There's this one priest who is always there and does an incredible job of alienating people. T.K. called him an ego bully, and I have to agree. This is the same guy who called me a heretic.

He seems to think that the only way to get things (e.g., the bishop) to change his mind is to present the GLBT case with logic arugements...sigh...he doesn't get that it can't only be about logic. Logic by itself rarely touches the heart, and more often it is the heart that changes the mind. He refuses to validate those of us who hold the belief that change comes through giving issues a human face. He refuses to acknowledge that logic doesn't heal, but invalidates the person who is hurting - it twists and places all resposibility/blame on the person who is hurting.

Back story: T.K. is writting a letter to the bishop about her own spritual journey and the pain she sees with mine (she does not use my name in the letter), she's also hoping that people who feel the same will sign the letter. She's attempting to bring heart to the logic, she's trying to take what's happening out of the realm of the abstract and make it real. All of which she explained to the priest. And he proceeded to tell her that won't work and no deserves ordaination just because they want to. So, when he finished talking, I replied pretty angerly that the letter was about me, and that I'm not looking to "get ordained" but what makes me angery and what is wrong is that I can't even enter into the discernment process here because I'm gay.

I went up to him afterwards and said, you know I don't think I deserve to be ordained, but I do deserve the opportunity to discern, and I know that won't happen here, so I'm taking steps to be somewhere I can go through the process. I shouldn't have even wasted my energy on him - he was just insulting - I had to walk away from the guy.

What makes me most sick is that he thinks he's helping "us" - that he's a guy who really cares about being a reconciler - he's just a dickhead. Who doesn't see the harm in telling a room full of people who have suffered discrimation that their pain isn't valid, you can't tell your stories you idiots, you must use logic.

Well, he can kiss my illogical ass.

The latest news

I've discovered that 50+ work weeks kick my butt...I looked in the mirror this morning and my first thought was wow you look like shit. Maybe it'll wear off with some sun.

My telephone interview yesterday went really well. It was a very different experience from the first company. It was more like a conference call in that the company had the IT director in the room as well as the IT guys I'd be working with on the call too. Then they proceeded to first tell me about themselves, and then ask me if I had questions about them - pretty cool. The next part was typical interview stuff - tell me about what you do, how do you see that work translate into the work we do stuff. Then they told me that they're still interviewing people but I'd hear from them within the next week or so, and would I like a phone call or email (I said email since my phone will be mostly off the next two weeks since I have clients in town Monday). Even if I don't get the job - it lifted my spirits - that nice reminder that not all companies treat potential employees like doodoo.

Another position I applied for emailed to say I'm under consideration - so maybe just maybe there's hope yet.

4 legged meme

Chrysalis Dreams memes. Meme-droid that I also am, I join the frayed:

4 Jobs:
1. I’m in the Army.
2. I’ll cash out and flip that burger.
3. Let me stock your stuff.
4. Analyze this please.

4 Movies I watch over and over:
1. Bound.
2. Fire.
3. Imagine You & Me.
4. Dancer in the Dark.

4 Places I’ve lived:
1. Michigan.
2. Korea.
3. Panama.
4. Texas.

4 People I would give a Fred Flintstone vitamin to (sorry, can’t go with the BSRITMONW option):
1. Son.
2. Daugther.
3. Wife.
4. Self.

4 People who email me regularly:
1. CareerBuilder.
2. Monster.com.
3. Lee.
4. Cousin.

4 TV shows I watch (“Fiction”):
1. Top Chef.
2. Workout.
3. Cold Case.
4. Hmmm,…

4 TV shows I watch (“Nonfiction”):
1. Top Chef.
2. Workout.
3. Nature.
4. Um,…

4 Places I’ve visited:
1. Peru.
2. Alaska.
3. Washington D.C.
4. New York.

4 Favorite foods:
1. Tacos.
2. Donuts.
3. Bananas.
4. Ice Cream.

4 “Wheres” I’d like to be right now:
1. Adirondacks, NY.
2. Burlington, VermonT.
3. Albuquerque, New Mexico.
4. New Zealand.

4 Things I’m looking forward to this year:
1. New job.
2. The return of the size 34 waist and muscles.
3. Read my pile of books.
4. Sunshine.

a whole lotta nothin

Once empty careful what you fill with

Look how far I can stick my hand in the cracks

Tread on me lightly

Perhaps the view would be better if I lay face down

Don't pull with your arms push with your legs

Really what good is a compass without a map

What good is a map if you don't know where you are

I want to lie with the tree that fell by itself in the forest - face down

If I keep pushing maybe I'll break through

Sometimes I miss the frozen lake and the hollowing wind

A Greatful Award

San from A Life with a View awarded me with the Gratitude with Attitude Award. I'm pretty honored to be selected, though in all honesty, I don't feel worthy of the award right now.

I've been struggling lately - trying to understand what it is God wants from me. And everytime I think I've got it figured out, well things go "odd" and I begin to doubt everything.

The only thing I've stopped doubting is that the call is still there, and it doesn't seem to have changed. What feels like keeps changing is how I'm supposed to get there; and where there is, and when. I still think there's a move coming this year, but to where? The wife still feels like VTs the place, and in the beginning it felt right and good. And I need to remember that and hold on to that and be grateful for that. But, the struggle for me to find a job is wearing the luster pretty thin.

Part of the problem is my full-time job has been so emotionally and physically draining for more months then I want to count backwards to, then adding on top of that job searching, planning for all the maybes, spending time with my family, and trying to do the things that keep me feeling healthy - has quite frankly drained my reserves. Have you ever seen ground that is so dry that it splits itself apart? That's me, I just don't know how to end my own drought.

I keep reminding myself that with God's help anything is possible, I keep reminding myself to be grateful, I keep reminding myself to surrender.

I don't have 12 blogs to pass the award onto, but I do have some gratitude I'd like to share:

1. My Wife - for loving me in spite of me
2. Murat - for your friendship, for you just as you are
3. Lee - for your protectiveness, for you just as you are
4. San - for your thoughtfulness, humor, and art
5. ALT - for supporting the D4, and caring about my wife
6. A.Mc. - for her daily prayers for me and generous heart
7. J.K. - for listening to me vent and bitch
8. A.J. - for his peculiar way of showing he really does care
9. A.T. - for always lending a helping hand
10. My wife's parents - for helping us and loving us
11. T.K. (Murat's wife) - for your friendship, for speaking out
12. And to all those who have ever struggled and never quit

Back from trip two

I keep wondering if perhaps I should hold off from posting...but...my trip was ok. The company doesn't sit on as high a horse anymore but at least it still sits on a horse ;-)

My immediate reaction once I left the building was "I just don't know" - I just don't know what they think of me, nor I of them. My next day reaction is that I spent alot of time defending myself. They're worried I won't know how to work within a small company, that I work as part of a team [I got dinged for using "we do" and not "I do"] One of the managers was a little put off that I asked what was next step in the process is, anyways...I may know something by the end of April.

I allowed myself to feel very insecure about my capabilities, so I'm feeling pretty down about the trip, the state, all of it - pretty pathetic on my part huh - so little faith. So, I told the wife she has to carry the love for the move for awhile.

The trip just wasn't what I was hoping for I guess, and I'm exhausted which doesn't help.

Thank you all for your prayers and support.

My Weekend

This weekend was very nice. We had a relaxing drive up to Austin. Found the seminary without any troubles and went to Toy Joy per murat's suggestion. My daughter had the best time there - oh the possibilities. Toy Joy is chalk full of gizmos from ceiling to floor that either chlinks, klinks, or slinks.

We then went back to the seminary and buzzed our host to let him know we'd arrived. He was very nice and very helpful throughout the weekend. Everybody was super nice. So nice that the wife and I wondered if we're nice enough to be there.

When I first started out in all this walkingabout ETSS was hands down the place I wanted to go. Even after I looked at the others via internet, but then something happened and I just wasn't so sure anymore. I felt my heart struggle between wanting both ETSS and EDS, or really rather a blend of both. But, this weekend put much of that to rest. It is an amazing place, and it will be a good place for myself and my family, assuming the path brings us back this way.

I find it ironic that I have to go all the way to VT only to return to TX. A strange path indeed. But, everytime I've asked or really doubted - God says go to VT. So, I'm going or at least trying to get there.

The weekend brought with it a mix of excitement and sadness. I so very much wanted to be one of the postulants starting up this Fall. And if my bishop was not the bishop he is, it may have been so...

...the weekend brought for both my wife and I a sense of rightness, a sense of this is where we belong - just not yet...you see there's this other journey we both need to complete first.

Our journey of south to north, north to south, south to somewhere but I suspect north. Why the ying-yang, maybe to heal, to come full circle, to form[ation] in my beginning place/space. To represent but not stay, to struggle but heal elsewhere.

I just don't know yet really...just my random thoughts I've been thinking for awhile.

Weekend at ETSS then off to Vermont

It's going to be a busy weekend. The whole family is going with me for visitors weekend at ETSS (the Epsicopal Seminary in Austin); it's our opportunity to be paired up with a seminarian and explore the seminary and all its implications.

I fly up to VT Tuesday, interview Wednesday, and then fly back that afternoon - extra prayers that I have an awesome interview - I'll be meeting with 8 different people, and that I don't miss my flight (the schedule is tight).

To safe travels, and new journeys.

Tagging Along a Tag

These seven are from someone else's tag then morphed by murat11 into this:

1. "I am a lip balm addict." - No, I really don't like lip balm. My daughter is in love with the stuff - any color, any flavor, even Vaseline. I will every once in a while break down buy some with absolutely no smells or taste, use it once maybe twice only to find myself giving it to my daughter. Bluck.

2. "I can walk pretty fast in high heels" - Not at all. I've never even owned a pair. I've tried them on for the experience, which left me bewildered as to why anyone would ever want to wear such contraptions obviously designed by someone from one of Dante's lower levels of hell.

3. "I love broccoli" - I like broccoli if it's cooked; otherwise, on my palate it's dry and bland and I feel myself making the eewww face as I type this.

4. "My current favorite movie is ‘A Star is Born’" - No, this movie is almost before my time. I have two current favortie movies: 'Bound' and 'Fire'.

5. "I really missed seeing the Oscars this year" - I don't normally watch the Oscars, but the one year I did was fantastic for one reason - can we give it up for Bjork and her swan dress - classic.

6. "I love making (and eating) good American pancakes" - I do enjoy a good pancake, but in our house this is typically a weekend breakfast hence the wife cooks them. But, my favorite way to have pancakes is with fruit inside.

7. "I have a dozen scarves" - Nope, I have one scarf that I crocheted for myself. And I think somewhere in our wardrobe we have a necktie of ALTs. But, in the '80s I did own two of those skinny ties. I'd wear ties if my co-workers wouldn't look at me funny - ties are pretty cool. Scarves are pretty, but they just don't say me.

Yeah

I have an interview this Friday with VT company who I really want to work for, and so does the wife (but with a different company).

So keep sending the love :-)

Oops and an update

Oops:
So, I accidentally published a comment I meant to delete...and I think it might have been some virus link...so I deleted the whole post (the Music Vidoes post).

Update:
Well, the company in VT got back to me...and the here's still a possibility, but slim - I don't really want to go into details except to say I should know yea or nea by the end of next week.

I know of one other company that is looking at my resume, all the other apps are in that nebulous limbo space. I try to apply to one job a week, but even that gets hard since I'm somewhat specialized.

I still think the way to VT is paved through my wife; she has a skill that more places want then want what I do.

I've began imagining Plan B, Plan C, and Plan D...but won't start to seriously planning/implementing any of them until the end of summer/end of 12 months of job searching for VT job. For now they are just what if day dreams to relieve the stress.

Plan B is just go to seminary here, and either work part-time or not at all.
Plan C is just go to seminary here and dual degree, and either work part-time or not at all.
Plan D is go to another state other then of course TX or VT.

But my heart is still with Plan A, it's still that "plan" that feels most right.

When you don't have words...

Disappointed

I'm angry with you...well, I was really angry with you yesterday, today....disappointed in a very understated way. Why open a door just enough to get my hopes up and then leave it cracked like a taunt and that just really makes me angry.

I've even tried asking the earthly people, but they DON'T REPLY EITHER. You both just suck.

Well, mister high and mighty, I'm not moving without one of us having a job. I just don't get what it is you want from me. Could you just possibly for a little while let go the silent cryptic shit?

Huh? Yeah, that's what I thought.

Oops, Missed a Tag

So...here it be:

Witchblade

From Wikipedia....

The Witchblade is an intelligent, ancient, and conscious weapon with extraterrestrial origins. It is one of thirteen weapons of this type. It is the offspring of the universe's opposing aspects, the Darkness and the Angelus (the dark and the light). The Witchblade is a male aspect created to act as a balance, which must have a female as a host. The Witchblade was discovered in modern times in Greece by Kenneth Irons, but before he found it had many wielders. When not in use, it can look like an ornate, jewel encrusted, right-handed gauntlet. When wielded by an unworthy user, that person will lose their arm. It forms a symbiotic relationship with the host, who can hear the Witchblade. When used, it expands across the body of the wielder, shredding clothes and covering the body like an armour. The amount and coverage of the armour depends on the level of the threat. For example, when facing mortals, it will usually generate less armour than when facing a demon of hell. This armor can produce extensions of itself that can form swords, other stabbing weapons, hooks, chains, shields, and wings, enabling the wielder to fly. It may also become temperamental if it chooses not to be used. When wielded, it can shoot energy blasts from the hand or sword, fire projectile darts, and whip-like grapples to attack or to climb. The Witchblade is also an excellent lock pick, and can heal wounds, even mortal ones. The Witchblade can re-animate the dead, empathically show the wielder scenes of great trauma, and allow the wielder to relive experiences from past wielders as dreams.

For Fun

If you're interested in personality types, and are curiuos about what your Myers-Briggs might be, then check out: http://similarminds.com/personality_tests.html. Then find and select one of the Jung Tests I-E S-N F-T J-P.

I'm a ENFJ -

Overall ENFJ's are the Idealists - this particular letter combo is Teacher.

This link, http://www.keirsey.com/handler.aspx?s=keirsey&f=fourtemps&tab=3&c=teacher , will take you to Teacher; however, information about the 16 other types are there too.

What's Up

Bad Management

Hold forth thy tongue
You who speaks through two mouths
Never knowing completely which master
serves you best



Today, was a great day. I'm feeling better, still snot nosed but not fatigued. I've managed to get a little ahead in my tasks. My document is not mine again until Friday. My team is all tasked. So, I got to recharge my batteries catching up with colleagues, spending time alone in my office, not easily accessible to anyone and everyone wanting little bits of me.

I've managed (at least for now) to come to an ok place about not hearing back yet from VT company. I've applied for another job that sounds interesting...life moves on.

Poems

A twist, a turn, a yo, a loop through
A stitch made, not a knot
Row after row, easy to unravel, yet
it holds


The wind sang to me last night
Longing for company, just for awhile
Just until the moon fades


Feel [an old poem]

Sometimes I feel like the sound of a weeping willow
A cool summer’s day in a field of tan and yellow with nothing but blue in the sky
No sound but for the rustling of leaves and butterfly wings, the scent
of heat wafting only in the stillness

Sometimes I feel like the sound of snow
On a dark cold night with the stars shining down
The smell is like the smell just before a winter’s storm
The sound of my feet sinking under my weight into the freshly fallen snow

Sometimes I feel like the sound of rain
Grey and overcast gloomy
The air tasting metallic against my tongue
Running down my face cleansing away

blah

...so i'm feeling sorry for myself, and worried i won't be excited when i get the next email from said VT company. i think maybe i'm scared they've hired someone else. and i'm scared about putting my square self into a round hole that really wants to be a triangle - ya know.

maybe if i look at the world upside down it'll all look better.

do you think god ever gets tired of us giving him the same stuff over and over?

there are no more fumes, and the car has sputtered to a stop...so maybe if i look at the world upside, and ask god what he thinks of all this...

Banged me head and assortments

No blood, no bruise, no evidence
Eyes looking almost through my head
Fingers probing tenderness

Hit so hard, fierce echo and shake
Hold my head to still inner quake
Prolonged moan of surprise

Just how exactly did I manner that

-------------------------------------

Five cups of caffine a day habit of late
Too tired to wake, too tired to sleep
A deprivation of sorts
An indulgence of sorts

Though they say I've smiled more of late
Random bits of song escape
Less frazzled laughter
The jade begins to fade

----------------------------------------

Clicked to PBS
Students interviewing successful people
On how they found success
Listen to that inner voice
Follow different paths
You just know when it's right
Stable and secure don't really go with take a chance
this just might be it

The Today show featured Vermont today
This evening featured finding one's calling

Nerd Quizes

Responding to Lee's Tag

So here's the tag:

Go back through one's archives and find "favorites" for the following categories:

Link 1 must be about family
Link 2 must be about friends
Link 3 must be about you yourself
Link 4 must be about something you love
Link 5 can be about anyone or anything you choose.

Link 1: Barbie and Ken
This was a post my wife wrote, but still one of my favorites.

Link 2: A Prayer
For my friend.

Link 3: The Outing of My Discernment
Where I've been and still heading

Link 4: First Homily
I don't love religion per say, but the sharing of one's faith.

Link 5: YouTube Fun
Choose this one for the joy of laughter.

Page 123 Book Meme

So, I went over to Aurora's blog, http://braveweather.blogspot.com/, and she had an interesting meme. I self-tagged.



(1) Grab the nearest book that has 123 pages in it
(2) Go to page 123
(3) Find the fifth sentce
(4) Type fifth sentence and next three
(5) Tag whomever (San, Lee, Murat, ALT)



The book I grabbed was Leo Tolstoy's, "The Kingdom of God Is Within You".


And it reads...

But all the experience of history teaches us that they cannot be altogether suppressed so

long as two men are left on earth, with bread, mony, and a woman between them.

I should be very happy if Congress would prove me in error. But I doubt if it can prove

history, nature, and God in error also.

I am, dear sir, etc. E.M. de Vogue

This amounts to saying that history, human nature, and God show us that so long as there

are two men, and bread, money and a woman - there will be war.

The book is about (taken from the back of the book):

...provocative antiestablishment pieces of literature...

...doctrine of radical nonviolence that Tolstoy understands Jesus to have articulated in the

Sermon on the Mount...

This was going to be my Lenten reading, but has become overcome by 2 OJT books I want/need to have finished reading by mid-February, and "The Great Awakening" that I'll have to extend from the library.

Round 2 - Still Standing, Round 3 - Still to Come

Yea! I made it past technical interview number 1; they're interviewing for two positions and next week is getting soemone hired for a different position then focusing on the one I interviewed for...so, I'll most likely be interviewed again the first week of March. But, she wasn't sure if it'd be another phone interview and then come on out to VT or come on out to VT or phone interview and decision.

So please keep the prayers acomin'.

Happy Valentine's Day

p.s. This is an awesome website for soemone who's interviewing: http://www.rileyguide.com/interview.html

Miserable Cities

According to Forbes article online, my home state ranks number 1 (Detroit) and number 3 (Flint) for most miserable cities to live in.

"Imagine living in a city with the country's highest rate for violent crime and the second-highest unemployment rate. As an added kicker you need more Superfund dollars allocated to your city to clean up contaminated toxic waste sites than just about any other metro." -Kurt Badenhausen, Forbes.com (Feb 11)

Did you know there's a thing called a Misery Index - an economic indicator??? There doesn't appear to be a Happy Index, but there is a Happy Planet Index - an envirnomental indicator.

So in light of places to live, check out this website: http://www.findyourspot.com/ (and if you're curious, here's my top three: Burlington, VT - Montpelier, VT - Northampton, MA)

Boo

UPDATE:
Scheduled for Thursday at 9am :-)


My second interview has to be rescheduled for sometime later this week, sigh, don't know when yet...hate waiting...waiting sucks...later

Today's Sermon

Today's sermon really struck a cord for me. The priest, she, spoke of thinking of Lent as a pilgramage time. And I thought about how I had been in an extended Advent, that season of expectations, and that now, just maybe, just maybe, the next step of the journey - the next major motion - is about to transpire: moving closer to the place where God is at waiting for me to arrive.

Part of me is scared about getting too excited about Tuesday, because the let-down will really suck. This company is one of those places where you use words like "dream job." That if God is only calling me to Vermont, then this job is a safe harbor, a good place to grow, a place of intergity. But if the call is to more, than this job becomes a place to polish skills that will help me be a better priest.

Well, gotta run, the wife needs the computer and I have studying to do.

Bad poetry

Fried, my brain is fried
poke my middle and I'll
ooozzzzeee
Please don't poke my middle,
trying to contain too much information
under the dilicate membrane
Fried, but still sunny side up

Made it to Interview 2

I made it past HR, so the next step is an interview with one of the companies technical managers next Tuesday...so I'm taking continued well-wishes and prayers.

I was told I'll know 1-2days after the technical interview the outcome...here's to hoping I have enough experience.

Peace

What's Up with Me

Ok, this is going to be short...

...I've been working my butt off...

...I've been dealing with some personal stuff: what I'll say is even careful people can get stung by ID theives...

...I have my very first Vermont job interview tomorrow for an awesome company; I really hope I can nail the interview...

...gotta go prep for the interview.

The Noble Hall Does Grow

My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is: Her Noble Excellency JS the Unctuous of Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title

My, my, I ummm, can't even pronounce my title :-) But, that seems fitting; leaves me room to grow.

And in case you to wonder at the word "unctuous" - from dictionary.com: characterized by excessive piousness or moralistic fervor, esp. in an affected manner; excessively smooth, suave, or smug.

The Flys - Holiday Man

It's been awhile since I've listened to these guys, and the whole album rocks - but this song is by far my favorite on the album: Got You (Where I Want You)



Hope you enjoy.

Some Macro Photos

Here are some pictures I took with my Optek 10X Macro Lens (HD2 platinum series). It was advertised for a great price on an online shopping website (it starts with an "A"). I've been wanting a macro lenses for a longtime but I can't afford the prices, so when I stumbled on this lenses attachment - I thought for this price why not. You focus the lense by moving closer or farther away from the object. Since I'm not the steadiest, I needed lots of light to get fast speeds to help with shutter shake.

As soon as I get better...

Well, the flu went away, but some other nastiness moved in...so, now it's an antibiotic and cough syrup. I cannot wait to get healthy again. I managed one whopping day of work last week.

I'm trying to have more possibilies then the polite "no thank yous" I've gotten this week. I'm partially relieved because I don't really want to travel across country in the winter. I'm partially quite sad because I can't seem to get past resume "looks". The companies are looking, but they aren't calling to interview. Speaking of interviewing, the wife agreed to practise with me, especially since I haven't job interviewed in over 8 years. I'm trying to stay positive...like it takes six months, the right door just hasn't opened yet, my skill set doesn't really suck.

Ugh - what if I've gotten it wrong, and I've sold my house, told my supervisor and well now just about everyone knows, and I can't find a job.

Ugh - then I tell myself to quit being negative, this is the right path, it's just going to take time, the right door at the right time...sigh...

So, I'm wondering when the right time will be - oh hey, yeah maybe I should quit trying to control when this is going to happen.

But, back to as soon as I get better - more veggies, more exercise, less stress.

I'm Alive but Roughly Breathing

Well, I survived the flu - yesterday I felt really good and then over did it around the house...so today I feel like there's a big brick on my chest.

It looks like everybody is going back to their respective routines tomorrow (oh yeah, they caught flu-lite).

I had the strangest dream close to waking up...the cast of characters included Tommy Lee, Keith Richards, and Ricky Martin - it was all very odd and involved car chases in vintage sports cars (except for the pinto thing with no power steering that the wife was driving then had me drive) and beat up pickup trucks.

Feel Aweful

Hope everyone else has a better weekend...me, low grade fever, sore throat from hell, and chills.

Health and Weather

So, ALT, here is my Health & Weather...I'll pass this along to the other "D".

How linked my cough
to the bitter wind
At least the germs disappate
more quickly or perhaps
more quickly spread

How linked my mood
to the lack of sun
Though this gray be not sad
introspective perhaps or maybe
anticipation awaiting

How linked the room of my intersanctum
to the crisp air
One had hoped perhaps
but layers, layers
prolong the excitement of skin

Signs, signs, everywhere there's signs and humor

I was going through my emails this morning, and one of my daily emails is my horoscope, here it is:
"Yes, all this waiting is probably making you absolutely crazy, and yes, you're due for the universe to toss you just one tiny bone. Now, stop whining. Nothing happens until it's supposed to happen, and no matter how hard you try, you can't change that. Deal with it."

Utterly perfect, utterly true, one has to smile and laugh at ones self sometimes.

It's going to be an odd week this one:
Monday: Dropped car off for service, standard stuff, just puts major kink in families schedule.
Tuesday: Finish root canal work. Now I'm pertified of the dentist but I can't wait to get this work finished.
Wednesday: Back to different dentist to get fit for a new crown (old one was what sent me to Tuesday dentitst in the first place). About a week later get the crown "installed".

So, come Thursday I'll either be smiles or frazzled or maybe a little of both. To have my week topped off by the bishop visiting our church Sunday. I keep thinking I don't want to go. I don't want to see this man nor hear him preach. But, part of me say that I should go. Part of me wants to introduce myself to him, and ask him point blank why he won't allow gays/lesbians into the ordination process. Part of me wonders what's the point of asking, do I want to hold the hurt that will come from that conversation.

Peace and blessings, and to anyone else with dental work this week may it all go well.

Signs, signs, everywhere there's signs

This morning while walking the dogs I asked God for a sign, basically asking if I'm following the right call. I've been feeling discouraged lately as I'm down to one "active" application out there in the nethers.

And well God does have a wonderful sense of humor...the family and I went to a local sub shop. The sub shop has TVs set-up for the enjoyment of its customers, and while sitting there I looked up at this odd commercial, I came into it near the beginning but not quite. There were all these people with shiny things reflecting the light into a neighborhood. My first thought was that they were trying to bring love into the world...but alas no they where trying to keep Monday from coming. But, for me here's God's humor - the last image is all text:

Moster.com
you're calling is calling

How sweet is that!

I EMed (Eucharistic Minister/Chalice Bearer) for only the second time today, and it was months ago since the first time and there where two priests so the flow went different then from today's with just one. And it didn't go horrid, just lots off oddness that left me feeling frazzled and a bit embaressed. Ah well, I'm sure it'll be even more months before I get to go up again. I have no idea how other team leads put their schedules together, but it isn't well thought out most of the time. But enough of complaining and embaressment.

Back to signs...quite a few years ago I went to an angel psychic out of curiousity. I don't remember much of the details now. At the time I had 4 neandrethalic angels that encircled me. A rainbow river that meant something good, and when my angels wanted to let me know that I needed to remember love that I'd see butterflies. And the only specific question I can remember asking was what was I supposed to do with my writing; the answer was that the angels would not let her see, that they had pulled a veil over the answer, that I had to figure that one out for myself. And so when I dare to believe it will be so, I've the answer now - sermons.

Much love and many blessings.

Poem

I hope murat11 doesn't mind I stole a few stanzas from his, Strange Gnus: Jazzable Sweet, and added a little of mine.

and he said,
in the darker spaces
in the darker air
in the darker whispers
of the dark dark darkened snare

and her reply slow,
oh i've been there
tangled and entwined
listen not
as a trail i do leave

and he said,
no proper names
no foreign gold
no clumsy gifts
no rough-cut wood
no tuneless songs
no happy years
no crying bench
no centered lives
no field of tears
no sprouted wings
no rebel wind
no high-pitched worry
the thick and chilly white—

and her reply slow,
what kingdom then am i

I feel like I'm leaving this unended but I've got to go.

Poem

What place has She
Institutional
Small group sessions
Through the desert and into the woods

Of my heart
What place has She
Hypocrisy
Heresy

How shall I hold Her
Precariously
Tenderly
Into now and then and possibly

What place has She
I hear her ask
Trembling
Part fear and part expectation

What's your recipe

What's your recipe?
3 parts Daring
2 parts Sensitivity
1 part Poise

Splash of Enchantment
Limit yourself to one serving. This cocktail is strong!

What's the Recipe for Your Personality?

Ok, so instead of blogging about what's on my mind - I offer this instead.

Labrynth Morning of January 01

Labrynth walk the morning of January 1, 2008.

Hope I didn't get you too dizzy :)

Resolutions, bah

No, no resolutions this year. Perhaps because I feel like I'm still learning to live in now and not hurry up and get there mode. There are so many unknowns before for me, that to not totally stress out, I can only do what I can, and the rest is up to God and myself. One of my latest discussions with my Spiritual Director was about me still being in that season of Advent, that expectant waiting. I do know I need to give myself more quiet time for reflection, more time to just be, and not always filling every spare moment with something. It's like I won't allow my mind idleness. If I'm sitting it's active sitting not just being. If I'm moving it's to get somewhere. If I'm sleeping I'm dreaming. I think I lost my off switch :-)

So on New Year's Day I officiated Morning Prayer into the great silence. I walked the labrynth with my usual speed in the glow of a rising sun [I'll post video later]. I drove home with silence. And entered my life. I am blessed with a wonderful life, and God has blessed me my entire life.

Thank you to all who are a piece of my life, much love, new journeys, and many blessings.

Can she really upload video??

If this works, that'll be so cool!!! Six seconds of nothing but the cat ;-)

ALT's Meesa Back Tag

Not sure if ALT was throwing out a tag for anyone, or responding to a tag...but hey, I'll play anyways.

1. What is your favorite flower?
Lilies.

2. What word in the English language do you wish you had invented?
Loving-kindness.

3. What do you miss about your childhood?
My Star Wars action figures, along with my Justice League dolls.

4. What is the main fault in your character?
Perfectionism.

5. Describe how you kiss in one word.
Present.

6. What in the world do you least desire?
Violence, discrimination, and monetary debt.

7. Finish this sentence. "Happiness is a thing called..."
now.

----------------------------------------------------------------
Have a safe and merry New Year's Eve and New Year's Day.

Anniversary Celebration

So, my wife and I have been talking about going up to the altar rail for quite awhile, and due to a chain of events, such as, our Pastor saying all are welcome to have clebrations blessed - today was the day we went up for our 3.5 year celebration blessing.

My poor wife kept wanting to hold my hand and I kept needing to wiggle free, but luckily for me she didn't let go :-) So we were up at the rail with one birthday and another anniversary of 38 years. So our Pastor gave the celebration blessing, and normally our church claps right away after the blessings...well, there was about 2 seconds of utter silence, then bless him, our Pastor started clapping, then the people at the rail starting clapping, and then the congregation joined in.

Afterwards, a friend asked me if I felt the Holy Spirit during the blessing, to which I replied "No, I was way too nervious." I felt like I did the day my wife and I got married, extremely happy and a bit weak in the knees. My wife just beaming at me (which was awesome) and supportive quiet laughter at my 10 minutes of deep breathes afterwards.

It's telling and sad that not one of our LGBT parisheners uttered one word to us after church, but a number of straight parisheners did. And I don't know if it was coincidence or intentional but one lesbain couple got up and left once we got up to go to the rail, and didn't come back until after the blessings - I'm sure I'm just imagining things.

So that was my fourth Sunday of Advent.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

'Sup with Me

Well, I finished crocheting my wife's scarf last night - yea. It will go very nicely with her winter jacket. My next project is to use just the knit stitch to make another scarf so I can get some fluidity before moving onto knit 1 pearl 1.

The EFM group liked my homily :-) It was a wonderful evening of fellowship. And when I arrived at home there was one of my wife's best friends all the way down from CT. So that was a very nice end to a really nice evening.

I got cd's that are designed to teach you Spanish while driving in the car - very exciting. So let's see if the cobwebs get swept away cause deep in the recesses of my brain, there are years worth of vocabulary and sentence structure buried in there.

Totally random - I got a new cowboy hat, so I'll see if I can remember to take a picture of it. OOhh, and one of my Christmas presents is a digital video recorder - nothing fancy, on the way low end, but it was priced in bargan bin numbers. But I don't get to use it until after Christmas Eve (which is when we open our presents). But when I do, I'm going to play with posting "videos" to zeh blog - or at least thta's my thoughts for now. Wouldn't y'all love to see a videos of my dogs ;-)

First Homily

So, I wrote my first homily for my EFM group's Christmas Eucharist Celebration. We each picked what part we would have in the service and what foods for the shared meal afterwards. Our theme we were given, or maybe we chose, I can't remember now, is gifts. I don't know what any of the readings will be to include the gospel reading, and the only other requirement be that it was between 2-3 minutes in length.

Sermon in a sentence, not quite, more like snippet of scripture to work from, and it's pretty obvious what that snippet is. So, here it is:

…For the gifts and the calling of God are irrevocable…how true is this - for us in our lives, as we go out everyday into the world? How easy it is to get lost and overwhelmed by hopelessness and sadness…especially during the season of giving. Holding in tension the joy of giving to our loved ones and knowing there are so many who go without everyday.

News stories about Iraq, Afghanistan, CIA torture techniques, Darfur, killing sprees in Colorado, severe weather causing deaths in the mid-west, Guantanamo Bay, habeas corpus, who will be the next president, deficits, talk of recession, out sourcing, consumer confidence, Just hear those sleigh bells jingling, ring ting tingling too…

…For the gifts and the calling of God are irrevocable…cannot be undone, revoked, unalterable…how amazing is that? That God gives and does not take away. He is always there waiting for the ‘Here am I’, that entrance into our hearts. That entrance into the realm of it is possible to change the world. It is possible to live this life as though it is the kingdom of God right now, right in this moment, that every moment is a moment to bring God’s love for us to another…one word, one touch, one acknowledgement, one courageous act of love…

Imagine a world without borders, without fences…Imagine a world where ethnicity, sexuality, gender - didn’t matter…Imagine a world that saw instead Christ in each hello, good-bye, come again, how can I help you, thank you, peace be with you…Imagine a world where people had the courage to say no to violence even in the face of their own imprisonment or death…

…For the gifts and the calling of God are irrevocable…how often do we think, I’m just too tired, I’ve done enough, and felt guilty for not doing more? How often do we turn away only to hear and feel God gently nudging us, encouraging us, surprising us…

I look at the people in this room and feel humbled by all of you. Each of you in and of yourselves gifts; teachers, healers…treasured for your sharing, compassion, and companionship along my own journey. I look at each of you and find courage – strength – and most specially, laughter. You help me remember each week that it is possible to accomplish anything with God’s help.

…For the gifts and the calling of God are irrevocable…can it really be that each of us is gifted…as the days on which the Jews gained relief from their enemies, and as the month that had been turned for them from sorrow into gladness and from mourning into a holiday; that they should make them days of feasting and gladness, days for sending gifts of food to one another and presents to the poor. What are our gifts? And when we embrace them, what will we do with them?

Christmas and other stuff

Celebrated Christmas with my wife's family early. It was a wonderful weekend that went too quickly. My favorite parts were (a) my mother-in-law's awesome cooking (b) the long walks down country roads (c) falling a asleep on the back screened in patio watching random birds come to feed.

It felt really good to leave the stress behind and forgotten for a couple of days. We took tomorrow off to shop together for the kids' Christmas presents, as well as run a few errands. I'm sooo excited about not going to work tomorrow.

Lastly, the resume is out there, so here's to finding a new job sometime soon.

YouTube Fun

Eddie Izzard and Anglicanism, way funny.


Eddie Izzard and his Star Trek commentary, too funny.


I do hope you enjoyed.

Dante Inferno Quiz

So, I bit and took the quiz that ALT took, and the results are...

...the Dante's Inferno Test has sent you to Purgatory!

Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
Level Score
Purgatory High
Level 1 - Limbo Moderate
Level 2 High
Level 3 Low
Level 4 Very Low
Level 5 Low
Level 6 - The City of Dis Very Low
Level 7 High
Level 8- the Malebolge Moderate
Level 9 - Cocytus Low

Purgatory: You have escaped damnation and made it to Purgatory, a place where the dew of repentance washes off the stain of sin and girds the spirit with humility. Through contrition, confession, and satisfaction by works of righteousness, you must make your way up the mountain. As the sins are cleansed from your soul, you will be illuminated by the Sun of Divine Grace, and you will join other souls, smiling and happy, upon the summit of this mountain. Before long you will know the joys of Paradise as you ascend to the ethereal realm of Heaven.

Level descriptions: http://www.4degreez.com/misc/dante-inferno-information.html
Take the test: http://www.4degreez.com/misc/dante-inferno-test.mv

First Crocheted Shawl

So, crocheted shawl? Doesn't she mean knitted? Weellll, knitting is going to have to wait a while. I got the basic knit stitch but I was so tense through the shoulders that instead of being relaxing and meditative it was stressing me out. I crocheted years ago and decided to see if I could pick it up again. And well I did. Crocheting is so much easier for me, and I enjoy it. I found a nifty prayer shawl pattern book. So the shawl I put together is based on a pattern in the book, but slightly modified. I do wish I'd gotten the width longer, but ah well, next time.

I made this one for the kids grandma, I hope she likes it. I can't wait to make another one :-)

Been Tagged

Two names you go by (besides your given names)?
1. JS 2. Mama

Two things you are wearing right now?
1. Blue jeans
2. Brown and tan sweater

Two longest car rides?
1. Non-stop from Texas to Pennsylvania for a funeral
2. Anytime I ride in a car with my mom driving

Two of your favorite things to do:
1. Hike with my family and take photos
2. Read

Two things you want very badly at the moment:
1. More time with a healthy dose of patience
2. Toss up between more books and camera equipment

Three animals you have or have had:
1. Diego, my six year dog.
2. Sparky, a dog who adopted my wife then the rest of us.
3. Darth Vadar, my wife’s cat.

Three things you ate today:
1. Raisin Bran cereal
2. Donut
3. Italian sub

Two things you are doing tomorrow:
1. Going to work
2. Preparing for EFM

Two favorite holidays:
1. Christmas
2. Easter

Two favorite beverages:
1. Hazelnut coffee
2. Orange soda pop

Added question - Two favorite words:
1. Plethora
2. Serendipitous

I tag: Anybody who wants to play and hasn't been tagged yet.

Who is the Girl

Who is the girl, who
Stands slightly alone but near enough
Her eyes shift and follow movements
Like breath

Who is the girl, who
Would hold your hurts but doesn’t
Let go of her own

Who is the girl, who
Wants to walk with you but hasn't
Quite figured it out herself

Knitting

ALT got my wife a beginners knitting kit for her birthday a little over a month ago. Once my wife started to get the hang of it I asked her if she would show me too. And it's a good thing she's learning all the stitches first, because there's something about knitting that almost works counter-intuitive to my brain.

My wife is thinking her first project will be a scarf, and I'm thinking socks for mine. But I need to spend some more time with the knit stitch and probably need to learn the pearl stitch before I can begin socks. Oh yeah, and how to increase and decrease stitches.

The wife's next lesson involved knitting with four needles at once - I think she decided to skip that lesson as it sounded intimidating. I'm still trying to imagine how that would work.

I'm hoping to get fluid enough with knitting that I can turn it into a meditation/prayer excerise, but first I need to make more then two rows of stitches :-)

So, next Christmas you know what you all may be getting right ;-) Socks and scarves!

Happy Thanksgiving Early

Happy Thanksgiving!

Ok, Just One More for Today

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

How serendipitous, my wife got me a bracelet that says, "Be the change you wish to see in the world." - Gandhi.

ALT's link to quiz

What Classic Movie Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

I suppose now I should go watch the movie.

Kid Rock: Rock N Roll Jesus

Kid Rock has grown on me, especially once his music shifted out of (well mostly) prepubescent boy audience lyrics.

I haven't gotten through the whole CD yet (got it late last night) but I do like it. And true to the title, at least thus far.

I don't often get home sick but there's another piece to Kid Rock that brings back parts of home. Kid Rock and I are from the same part of Michigan, his accent sounds like mine, and he reminds me of my brother. The same brownish hair, similiar facial structure, and mostly it's the similiarity in how they carry themselves.

My friend ALT has that effect sometimes, though it's memories of my Grandmother - it's the shape of her eyes that look like mine that look like my Grandmother's.

Quiz: What Breed of Liberal Are You?

You are an Eco-Avenger, also known as an environmentalist or tree hugger. You believe in saving the planet from the clutches of air-fouling, oil-drilling, earth-raping conservative fossil fools.

Take the quiz at www.FightConservatives.com

Find the Man in the Beans

I friend sent this to me, and I founf it fun, so I pass it on to you:

Doctors have concluded that if you find the man in the coffee beans in 3 seconds, your right half of your brain is better developed than most people. If you find the man between 3 seconds and 1 minute, your right half of the brain is developed normally. If you find the man between 1 minute and 3 minutes, then the right half of your brain is functioning slowly and you need to eat more protein. If you have not found the man after 3 minutes, the advice is to look for more of this type of exercise to make that part of the brain stronger.
And, yes, the man is really there!!!


What's interesting is that once you find the man you can't unfind him, if you know what I mean.

Be Grateful for Every Experience part ii

Be Grateful for Every Experience part ii

It’s hard to know what to say about my Cursillo experience, as I’ve only just gotten back and there’s still much to process. I went to Cursillo for two main reasons: (1) People who had gone kept saying I should go, and (2) the people who have gone I have immense respect for. I understand now why fellow Cursillitos get vague about Cursillo, it truly is something that must be experienced firsthand, and to say too much will take away from the experience if you’ve not been. I can say that your experience of Cursillo will be as unique as you are. If you want to live more fully into Christ you should go, if you’re trying to discern your role in your church and the world you should go, if you want to see Christ in others you should go. If you go, plan to eat a lot, cry a lot, sleep a little, and stack the mattresses if your Cursillo is at Camp Capers.

The word devistating from the "part i" post sticks out, and in some ways it was a devistating experience in both senses that the word can be used. I just worry that that particular word will be misconstrued...it was not my whole experience...but it I believe it is that devistation that will bring the most feeling...and for now there will be no more on that...

Be Grateful for Every Experience

I left for my Cursillo Thursday evening, and this was the Weekly Guidance awaiting me on my return from Cursillo, Sunday night:

Eileen’s Weekly Guidance 9.11.07 Be Grateful for every experience‏

Be Grateful for every experience

Be Grateful for every experience in life which draws you ever closer to Me, no matter how devastating that experience may appear to be at the time. I keep telling you that good comes out of everything for those who truly love Me and put Me first in everything. Why not open your eyes and see this come about? Look for the best and see the best come out of every situation. Put your whole faith and trust in Me.

I think right now that’s the best I can do to describe my Cursillo experience. Would I recommend Cursillo to someone else…Yes. Only time will tell if what I think I got out of Cursillo will hold true. So, until then, I need to process the experience, and see what transformation comes, if any, I think I went a butterfly already – but there was nectar there, so I look forward to seeing how that fed me.

De Colores

Sold and Clarification

Yea, the house now has new owners - they got the keys yesterday. What a relief.

I'd like to clarify my "Been on my mind" post: This post was something I needed to express and put "out there" but I already knew the answer. You cannot not be you and still make a good priest.

Even though I can't discern in my community, they validate me all the time in big and little ways. Too many people I respect validate that they can see me "in minstry," or "as a priest." And those are truly wonderful gems. But the ones that truly sparkle are the shared words that come from moments of being together.

So, what I'm saying is that "you" saw a glimpse of my insecurities and fears - that I am not good enough.

And well...phooowwwiieee on that.

Been on my mind too

I think I've been confusing what I see with what I was percieving as being wanted of me. And in the end that just isn't me. So I'm going to leave it be, and just be me. And if there's a place for me at the priestly table great.

Been on my mind

I’ve been struggling lately with can I be me and still be a priest? Of the priests I’ve seen there’s a genuine concern for others, but there’s also this distance. Is it just them? Is it protective to self? And I can’t help but think that isn’t me. That that is not what so many people need. They need someone to walk with them in their very personal pain/love/grief/life. To not be afraid to embrace them and hold them. And that image keeps calling to me. But it feels so conflicted with what I see.

The almost wasn't closing

Well, my wife and I signed the closing paperwork; first we thought we would get to close today, then we where told we couldn't; then we got the call asking if we could. But the realitor still needs to drop off the certified survey tomorrow morning, and the buyers can't close until tomorrow around 5pm since for some reason the Title Company person wasn't able to stay past 5pm today. So, we're not quite done yet...and here's to praying that we won't have to resign anything which is apparently a slight possibility.

My neighbor saw the new couple at the house yesterday, and she said they were taking pictures of the house and them in front of the house with big smiles. I'm really glad they're excited about the house. It's been a good house to us and well loved.

I just can't wait for the call that says the loan was funded.

Right Brain - Left Brain

Here's a fun right brained or left brained link:
http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2007/11/03/are-you-a-right-brainer-or-a-left-brainer-take-this-quick-test-to-find-out.aspx.

The first time I took it, I first saw counter clockwise, and then it suddenly switched. But now she spins clockwise and no shift.

The apartment is 90% unpacked, and that's a major relief. I've gotten my internet up and running again. It seems the cat ate through my ethernet cable - ugh. Happily a replacement cable was inexpensive.

I've got two chapters of EFM to get done by Tuesday as well as prepare a worship for this Tuesday's class...here's to speed reading. But, I'm torn between relaxing and watching a couple episodes of The L Word (season 3) and being studious.

I need to pack Wednesday for Cursillo. I'm excited about going, but I really dislike leaving my family for more than a day. I need to remember to give my ride directions to my new apartment. Maybe I should do that nect and soon.

I was EM/Chalice Bearer for the first time today; and it felt really right and comfortable. Prior to service I was pretty nervous but all went well.

Well, I'm off to call my ride.